Reality Chick, I broke up with my ex about 5 years ago and I’ve completely moved on and have a new partner … but I saw my ex in the street recently and had a meltdown, it made me feel sick to my stomach … I felt shaken for the rest of the day!
Is this normal? What does it all mean, I’m fairly certain I don’t have feelings for him considering he ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it until it was a pulp? Help! Confused
It’s baffling, I know. My last big break up was like yours, and I too have moved on very happily. But if I see my ex – the ex that, like yours, ripped my heart out and stomped on it til it was a pulp – I feel that same, sick stomach-churning feeling and desire to run, or at the very least hide behind the nearest tree, car or lamp post. Now, that’s not the case for all my exes. Some, I’m still friendly with and actually enjoy encountering in the street, at a party or on Facebook, just to shoot the breeze and get the goss on what’s happening in their lives. But this particular ex of mine is up there with Hitler, Donald Trump and the Devil in terms of people I’d rather not bump into. Ever.
I don’t for a minute think it’s anything to do with not having moved on or even having some messed up, residual feeling for the guy. My theory is that some exes cause such a toxic spill in our lives they become like our own personal Kyrptonite. The thought of them, the sound of their voice bleating for forgiveness on the answering machine and of course the mere sight of them is enough to trigger a sick feeling of dread and, in extreme cases, downright panic. Suddenly, you’d rather yank your fingernails out with a pair of pliers than have to say hello. Will this feeling ever go away? Will you ever stop wishing he would trip and fall head-first into a tank full of Great Whites? Who knows? Time is supposed to be a great healer, but I think it forgot about Kryptonite Exes.
I know I haven’t been much help, Confused, so I’m going to share with you a nugget of advice from a wise friend of mine. She said we should really thank our arsehole exes. Their actions towards us may have hurt like hell at the time, but ultimately the end meant freedom, to find the kind of life, happiness and relationships that we really deserve. She’s so right. But I still give you my blessing if, next time you spot him, you forget all about being thankful and simply give in to the urge to duck behind the nearest lamp post.
Love, reality chick