Insight needed on my ex…

Insight needed on my ex…

I‘ve recently broken up with my girlfriend of over a year (6 weeks ago). We often fought about things that other people put in her head and everytime we had a awesome weekend or night out she seemed to start a fight or go in a different direction. She recently told me she is going to make life all about her and put herself first in every way. The following week I lose my job and I am upset [but] she puts herself first and goes out with her friend. The next weekend we’re meant to see each other but it doesn’t happen despite me calling, sending an email pouring my heart out, she tells me on the Monday she was feeling negative to what I was going through about losing my job and didn’t want to be around me …. I have been there for her through bad times and this was the first time I really needed her …. but no. I have had no reaction to my email … NOTHING!!! I tried to get my stuff back before going overseas but didn’t happen, then my mum tried while I was away and they had words back and forth via email … when I came back I found an email detailing what went on and how pissed off she was and how much it BOTHERED her that my mum tried to get my things back … SHE REACTED TO THAT BUT NOT MY HEART? WHY? She also mentioned that she didnt arrange my things before I went because “SHE NEEDED TIME”? What does this mean? Lockstock

I‘m sorry you’re suffering buddy, but from where I’m standing your exit from this toxic little union is a lucky escape. Seriously, who wants a lover who announces she’ll be putting herself first from now on (and doesn’t follow it up by pointing and laughing, ‘Gotcha!’)? That kind of warped mentality is barely acceptable if you’re single but in a relationship, it’s just crazy talk. As for her reaction to you losing your job – when or if such a cataclysmic event takes place, it’s a given that your partner should rock up immediately with takeaway in one hand, wine in the other, offer you a relaxing head massage, join you in prank-calling your boss and tell you everything will work out. Your girlfriend pissed it up on the town instead. What the…?
Lockstock, you sound like a decent guy prepared to work on a relationship. She sounds like a brat who sends mixed signals and keeps you hanging because she likes to call the shots. That’s why she didn’t react to your email or agree to a mature discussion. That’s also why she says she needs ‘time’ to give you your stuff back. It’s a classic come-here-go-away technique and trust me, NO ONE is worth such nutty mind-games. So go get your stuff back, tell her to call you when she grows up, and get your groove on with girls who appreciate you. I know a few who would so call me when the dust clears if you want me to hook you up.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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