Is he really just in it for the sex?

Is he really just in it for the sex?

I’m 13 years older than the guy I dated. He’s 23. He came on to me and this routinely happens as I look mid 20s. The sex was great. I wasn’t looking to be serious with him but he’d always ask me to spend the night. He’d cuddle me and hold me and pet me and compliment me tremendously. I felt like a goddess! Then during the week I’d never hear from him. Last time, it was two weeks. Turns out he went to Vegas.

I asked him if he’d slept with someone lately and he had. I told him I didn’t want to sleep with him while he was having sex with other women due to STD concerns. Haven’t heard from him since. Not really surprised but I don’t understand how loving he was when we were together if he only wanted me for sex. I’d love some thoughts! Alice

Anyone can turn on the charm if they want to get their rocks off, and hot 23-year-olds are, I’d guess, pretty motivated in that area. But then, so are people of all ages (in Californication, for example, Hank turns wooing one-night-stands into an art form – while knowing he never plans to see them again, the cad).

Maybe the invitations to sleep over and all the complimenting and spooning and cuddling is because he’s an affectionate guy. Maybe it’s because he’s a consummate player and wanted to keep things sweet for as long as he could (that is, until you found out he was sleeping with other people). See it for what it was: a saucy interlude with a toy boy – and don’t read much more into it than that.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Michele 7 years ago

    I’ve only dated younger guys the past 6 yrs..ranging from 13 yrs younger the last one was 20 yrs younger and my newest guy who I ‘m trying to hook up with now is 25 yrs younger but I’m told all the time that I look really young for my age…not bragging just saying..

    my new guy is HOT.HOT.HOT and I can’t wait to sleep with him, looking forward to it actually can’t stop thinking about my HOT, young, gorgeous guy! I will return and let everyone knows how it goes, I can’t wait

  2. Lola 8 years ago

    Congratulations on the new Reality Chick look!
    Now to brasstacks: “one-night stands turned into an art form”. Great way of putting it, RC! I agree with Kitty as well. Had I been that wise when I was a young gal, it would have saved me some heartache – not to mention the stark criticism from some “friends”.
    Could it be that oxitocyn plays tricks on some of us? In any case, our neural juices should be allowed to do the tough work. A sexy interlude with a younger man may even bring some form of “affection” into our lives, but let’s not kid ourselves: it tends to be short-lived.
    Alice: I bet you’ll remember your liaison with a smile later on. Life brings in unexpected encounters that aren’t meant to last, but they’re still part of the picture. The Wise 21st Century Gal takes it in her stride. All the best.

  3. Kitty 8 years ago

    Love the new look site RC! And to Alice: lady, you’ve still got it. Enjoy the fact that you can pull a gorgeous younger man, but don’t be left moping when he moves on. You meant for it to be a casual, no strings thing, so you should never have been sucked into all the staying over and stroking of hair. next time, if it’s a sex thing and you’re not serious, keep it strictly physical and never wake up in his arms.

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