Is it a bad patch … or should I cut and run?

Is it a bad patch … or should I cut and run?

I split from my husband nearly three years ago and have dabbled on the dating scene. About a year ago I met a guy that I really liked and things have been going well. Until recently, when he’s become busy at work and is now less into me.

He says he is too old to change and that I’m looking for something he will never be. When we are together it’s really good but I’m feeling more unsure and sad that yet again it looks like I will be on my own. How’s a girl supposed to know when to stick a bad patch out or when to cut your losses? Sam x

I think one of the easiest (and worst) mistakes we can make while dating is not listening to what people actually say, or spinning their words into something that’s somehow tolerable so we can bandaid a relationship that’s not good for us, or not working.

If a guy told me flat out that he was ‘too old’ to change and would ‘never be’ what I wanted, I would be outta there. The sucky thing is, a decent bloke who really feels that way should have the balls to call it off completely, but sometimes, the cowardly but preferable option is to paint themselves in a negative light in the hope that you’ll pull the pin and save them the hassle.

So, my answer is – get out and put yourself back out there. Let Mr I’m Too Old To Change go find himself a blankie and a rocking chair and miss out on the awesomeness that is you. His loss.

Love, reality chick 


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

2 Comments

  1. James N 10 years ago

    Relationships are amazing creatures they seem to take on a life of their own, fuelled by the contributions of the various partners. When one partner starts to lose interest it can be very difficult for the recipient of the neglect to cope. But hears the problem. You can’t make the other person take interest all you can do is do those things that may make them think you are attractive to them and hope. Certainly it is fatal to chase, to attack, to control, to manipulate. That would be the same as seeing a bird in a tree that you want to poses, throwing a net over it and putting it in a cage. You may well get a relationship with the bird but it will be one of controller and controlled. The bird will resent you. No the hardest part of maintaining your partners attention is to realise that all you can to is be your most mentally and emotionally and yes dare I say it physically attractive and the rest is up to them. To try to make a person love us is to play with the devil of control and manipulation and that will only ever end up in a bad place. Just some thoughts.

  2. Lola 10 years ago

    Hi Sam,
    It seems to be HIS loss, not YOURS. Besides, he can’t call it quits by himself. As RC puts it: cowardly…and sad!
    All the best and make sure you’re not around when he needs his nappies changed.

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