Hi Reality Chick. I’m writing in because things are extremely rocky with my partner right now, for various reasons. I have been contemplating going through his phone (also for various reasons which I won’t go into here). But, I wanted to ask – is it ever okay? Have you ever snooped on a partner and if so what happened? Rosie
Oh boy, I hoped to never be asked that question. Because the truth is, yes I have. Am I proud of it? No. But I don’t regret it either. I only wish I’d done it sooner, because I would’ve saved myself a lot of precious time. This was many years ago, and technically, my ex and I had all but broken up by the time I went hunting for evidence of his affair, but finding it freed me. In hindsight it was the best ‘bad’ thing I have ever done in a relationship.
Of course, the right thing is to respect other people’s privacy. And if your gut’s going crazy and you’ve got a million hunches that something’s just not quite right, confronting your partner is the way to go. But if they lie, and you know they’re lying, you have two choices: leave without knowing and perhaps never knowing the truth (not an option for many people), or stick around in a sad, angst-ridden kind of limbo that can, if you let it, seriously impact on your mental health.
I realise I may not be the most impartial person to ask about this. And my advice would always be to talk to your partner before snooping through his or her things – especially emails and text messages which can be really easy to take out of context. But sometimes, we just know. And sometimes, confirming your worst fears can bring a sense of relief, especially if it’ll liberate you from someone who doesn’t have the best intentions towards you, and possibly doesn’t deserve to be in your life anyway.
Love, reality chick
RC readers… do you agree? Is snooping just flat out wrong? Is it ever okay to snoop? Have you ever snooped on a partner? If not, would you and under what circumstances? I’d love you to share in the comments.