I’ve fallen in love with someone 20 years younger

I’ve fallen in love with someone 20 years younger

I’ve fallen in love with someone 20 years younger. I love everything about him. We’ve never been physical at all, and when we try and stop talking, it doesn’t work. We are like best friends. I have been trying hard to find someone my own age to date but I can’t get him out of my mind, and no-one quite compares to the good company I experience when he and I are together. How could this happen and what do I do? It foolish to think anything could ever come of it. But, I’m not sure how to move on. Young At Heart

It’s pretty easy to fall for a younger guy. They’re sweet, fresh, fun and usually not weighed down by too much life baggage (or a beer gut and receding hairline, am I right?). I’ve been there. I briefly dated a guy eleven years my junior (I was 31, he was 20) Intellectually and emotionally, we were equals and I really enjoyed talking to him and hanging out. It didn’t work because he was at a completely different stage of life than I was. Ready to backpack, smoke a few cones, finish university and start a career. Meanwhile, I was ready to stay in five star hotels, drink nice wine, meet a life partner and possible start a family.
There’s no rule that you have to date someone exactly your own age. I know of plenty of great partnerships where age gaps mean nothing because the connection, love and commitment is spot on. The problem is you’ve fallen pretty hard for this guy and you’re unsure if he thinks of you as anything more than a best mate. With twenty years between you – this might be the case. But it might not.
Take him off the pedestal and be realistic. Being in limbo and having him occupy your thoughts and time is holding you up from meeting other potential partners. To resolve your situation you’ve got ask the question. Or at least sidle up to it. In your long conversations, ask him why he’s single? What he’s looking for in a relationship? In a partner? If he feels the same awesome connection to you that you do for him? Maybe you could even be so bold as to ask him if he’s thought of taking things between you to another level. Gauge his reaction to your questions. If he’s freaked out or backs away, then it might be time to start investing your emotional energy elsewhere.
If he seems open to the idea, then why not? Nothing like a young lover to boost your self esteem and put a spring in your step. If you think there might be a chance he feels the same way – it’s worth the risk. And who gives a damn what your friends and family think if you two do work out. Good luck Mrs Robinson.
Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Angel 7 years ago

    The fact is that when you are an adult, age is doesn’t really matter as much as it matters when you are a teenager. I’m 14, but I have a girlfriend, -or at least she wants to be my girlfriend (she told me that)- and she is barely 10. People have told me that if you are an adult, the age difference means nothing, but if you are teenager, it does have a big meaning. In the first place I don’t even know if teenagers’ love is considered true love, because they say when you are a teenager, you just get hopeful about the relationship, but the “love” you feel is never true love. But even assuming that loving as a teenager can be true love, I don’t know if it’s bad to have a girlfriend in this type of situation. I mean, love is love, so I don’t think it could be considered morally bad, but I mean I don’t know if it’s acceptable. I’ve been together with her for 8 months already, even though our relationship
    is secret because nobody really knows bout it. If her mom figured it out, she would be mad anyways, because even if the age wasn’t an issue, we from different religions and her mom doesn’t like that at all. Still, I’m much more concerned about the age rather than the religion issue. I just want to know if this could really be a not-bad idea or if the best would be to try with someone of my age. I treat her as she were my best friend, but I really want to keep going on with her. But I don’t know if it’s the best option.

  2. Destinee 8 years ago

    I met with this young guy on my way to work. He asked for my numbers after a short chat. The next day I saw 8 miscalls from his number. I called him back and he said he was just checking on me. He started texting for me 3-5 times a day. I started falling in love with him. We had a date and the very same day we kissed and we just click, the next day we made sex. He found me so tight and the sex lasted for hours it was good. But he’s 20 yrs younger than me I’m 46. I like him and he loves me. How do I let him know this?

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