I’ve fallen in love with someone 20 years younger. I love everything about him. We’ve never been physical at all, and when we try and stop talking, it doesn’t work. We are like best friends. I have been trying hard to find someone my own age to date but I can’t get him out of my mind, and no-one quite compares to the good company I experience when he and I are together. How could this happen and what do I do? It foolish to think anything could ever come of it. But, I’m not sure how to move on. Young At Heart
It’s pretty easy to fall for a younger guy. They’re sweet, fresh, fun and usually not weighed down by too much life baggage (or a beer gut and receding hairline, am I right?). I’ve been there. I briefly dated a guy eleven years my junior (I was 31, he was 20) Intellectually and emotionally, we were equals and I really enjoyed talking to him and hanging out. It didn’t work because he was at a completely different stage of life than I was. Ready to backpack, smoke a few cones, finish university and start a career. Meanwhile, I was ready to stay in five star hotels, drink nice wine, meet a life partner and possible start a family.
There’s no rule that you have to date someone exactly your own age. I know of plenty of great partnerships where age gaps mean nothing because the connection, love and commitment is spot on. The problem is you’ve fallen pretty hard for this guy and you’re unsure if he thinks of you as anything more than a best mate. With twenty years between you – this might be the case. But it might not.
Take him off the pedestal and be realistic. Being in limbo and having him occupy your thoughts and time is holding you up from meeting other potential partners. To resolve your situation you’ve got ask the question. Or at least sidle up to it. In your long conversations, ask him why he’s single? What he’s looking for in a relationship? In a partner? If he feels the same awesome connection to you that you do for him? Maybe you could even be so bold as to ask him if he’s thought of taking things between you to another level. Gauge his reaction to your questions. If he’s freaked out or backs away, then it might be time to start investing your emotional energy elsewhere.
If he seems open to the idea, then why not? Nothing like a young lover to boost your self esteem and put a spring in your step. If you think there might be a chance he feels the same way – it’s worth the risk. And who gives a damn what your friends and family think if you two do work out. Good luck Mrs Robinson.
Love, reality chick