I have been seeing my boyfriend for six months, living together a month – and I’m realising he has a real problem with alcohol. He drinks to get drunk and drinks until he passes out. The next morning he drinks anything available again and then stays in the bedroom with the curtains drawn chatting to his friends on Facebook and watching videos (and playing online poker if he has any money left after the alcohol). If I go to meet a friend, when I get back it’s likely he’ll have a few of the lads over getting drunk again, and so it goes on.
Recently we went on holidays which I paid for on the promise he would pay me back. Then on holidays I paid for everything as he had no money. His income is from social welfare as he lost his job two months ago. I’m leaving to go abroad in two weeks as I got a new job and he is thinking he’ll join me. But I can’t see it happening in his current state and he has not done any planning to try get a job. We had a talk last night and I told him to make a decision as to what he wants in his life and if that means coming with me, to take the necessary steps including kicking this addiction. Easier said than done, I know. I just care about him and love him so much that I can’t just let him ruin his life. I think that without help he will be dead within a year. He said he loves me and if I love him too we can make this work. What can I do?! Zita
Run. Seriously. Pack your bags, get on that plane without a backward glance and start your new job and your new life far away from your alcoholic boyfriend. Six months in, there’s no other path to take. Because, and I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, you’re not responsible for fixing his drinking problem. You don’t need to rescue him from his unemployment and possible gambling issues. Smirnoff will go out of business before he pays you back for that holiday, and you know it. That love can conquer all is a very dangerous notion, especially when it comes to addiction, and if you blindly subscribe to that view, I very much doubt this drunken freeloader will be finding a job or dealing with his addiction. More likely he’ll be setting you up as his personal ATM, and you’ll find yourself funding him all the way to his grave.
Sadly, I’ve answered variations of your question a LOT, like this one and this one and this one. On that last one, read the recent comment from Josh. He brings perspective from the other side, and given alcoholism is a progressive disease, it’s a pretty chilling insight into what you have to look forward to if you stick around.
Love, reality chick