Make mine a Brazilian

Make mine a Brazilian

Make mine a BrazilianIf the title didn’t tip you off, second warning: stop reading if you’re at all squeamish about that hallowed hallmark of womanhood: The Brazilian Wax.

I used to have a friend who’d routinely book Brazilian appointments for me, while I’d routinely cancel them. She was pro-Braz; I was anti anything that involved wax and/or pain anywhere near my privates. She swore it would change my life. I said I had a year’s worth of Nair to use up. She promised that all guys were into it. I asked my boyfriend at the time who didn’t seem to care either way, and so I continued to live in many years of blissful, depilatoried ignorance, punctuated by the occasional but traumatising pre-holiday bikini wax. Until yesterday, when I decided it was high time to stop being a chicken and find out what all the fuss was about.

I deliberately made an afternoon appointment – because, wine. I guzzled a glass before I got there and another when I arrived. My beautician offers wine as a matter of course and I will say, if there’s one beauty treatment that you really want to be off your face for it’s this one. She gave me an extra large glass and I could’ve kissed her (but I didn’t, because kissing someone you don’t know who’s about to brutally rip all the hair out of your nether regions is probably a bit wrong).

Brazilians are confronting. To the point where a (good) beautician will be pressing her hands to your newly-waxed vulva to help numb the pain. Worse, you actually have to lift your butt cheek towards the end for them to WAX YOUR ARSE. (Bet no one tells you that bit). Pain-wise, it’s like applying a blow torch to all the nerve endings that are usually only used for pleasure. Seriously, if you’re not lying there swearing loudly and thinking, ‘WTF, WTF, WTF, what am I doing here?!’ at every moment of rippage you have a way higher pain threshold than I do. I will say, though, that the results are kind of, almost worth it. Like going through childbirth and getting a baby at the end of it, my hoo-ha’s reward for all that pain and suffering was that it never looked so good in its life. So much so, I hurried home to give it a porn star name and admire it in a hand mirror.

What’s your take on The Big B? If you’re a girl, is it worth it? And if you’re a guy, does it drive you to distraction, or are you all for a little hair down there?

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

7 Comments

  1. Depilatory Diva 4 years ago

    Just wanted to mention that waxing is WAAAAAY more painful when you drink before (I worked at a spa and hate to see waxing centers offer booze before they rip out your hair – IT MAKES IT WORSE BY MAKING YOU MORE SENSITIVE!!), but you can take an Advil about half an hour before hand, or find a center that offers numbing cream. Also, opt for hard wax over soft wax or ‘strips’ if you can. It makes a world of difference. When you add an awesome personality/sense of humor to your waxer, it seriously, will change your life! But I’ve also seen some great deals for laser treatments on groupon and know a few women who have tried it and hear varied results…but the good are great!

    • Author

      Noooooooooooo! I was told alcohol made it LESS painful. Dammit, and there I was guzzling wine and screaming my head off. You need to make a public service announcement 🙂

      I did used to take a Nurofen beforehand, which I think helped a bit. Probably valium would’ve been better hahaha!

      I’ve given up on the Braz for the moment though … definitely like the idea of laser.

  2. reality chick 8 years ago

    Laser huh? Do you mind me asking… how many sessions did it take and did it cost you a small mortgage payment? Because I’m still drinking heavily before Braz sessions……

  3. Unsavvy Dater 8 years ago

    I’m all for the landing strip, and to get it, I can only recommend LASER LADIES! I lasered it all off 6 years ago (barring my landing strip) and will never look back. The soft skin, the lack of ingrowns, the never having to shave or worrry “oops, will a random hair poke out of my shorts/bikini” ….NEVER! Not to mention every man who was blessed to get the pleasure commented on the amazing soft skin………..

    I loved the results so much that now, 6yrs later, I’ve lasered my armpits and my legs!

  4. reality chick 10 years ago

    hey waxers … yes, I admit, I went for the runway strip myself; looking like a pre-pubescent child doesn’t quite appeal.
    And anon… never say never. Email me if you want my beautician’s number, they pour vino down your throat beforehand for free!!! 🙂

  5. Anonymous 10 years ago

    I am SO not going there. Let’s just say I’m a hirsute lady and the pain would be too, too much to bear…even with a crate of white wine!

  6. Waxers Anonymous 10 years ago

    I agree Reality Chick! The Big B is definitely the way to go, although i after a few “take it all off” trips to the beautician, i have finally settled on my new ‘do’, a neat little runway strip, as guys usually call it. i found the whole looking like a 12 year old slightly odd, and that tiny strip of fuzz reassures you that you are indeed 31 and not pre-pubescent.

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