My friends are all hot and bothered over Fifty Shades and while I’m finding it hot, I was already feeling depressed over my sex life and now I’m left nostalgic, frustrated and lonely on an entirely deeper level.
My man is utterly sweet. He doesn’t like to ‘rough’ me up at all or have anything but ‘vanilla’ sex. Am I a total bitch to complain? He tries hard to please me and while there is no doubt I love him, I really really wish he turned me on more. (He has tried to be more dominant and forceful but unfortunately as it’s not in him to play the bad guy, it turns me off a little bit more.)
I know that I have a rather warped idea of what’s hot and that I’ve been spoiled by passed lovers who knew just what I needed in that area, but at the end of the day I guess my question is, am I just being completely shallow and am I too rotten for this sweet guy? Give it to me blunt. Thanks. Toni
Blunt answer? It’s a compatibility thing. Sweet as this guy is, he doesn’t rock your world in the way you need it rocked, and when he tries, he actually turns you OFF. Because you know it’s not in him to be that guy. You can’t fake that stuff. It’s sad, but hiding or sacrificing your true sexual needs for a lifetime would be a far bigger tragedy than acknowledging you just don’t click in that department, and getting out now.
Love, reality chick
Manswers Man BB says… Toni, what’s wrong with vanilla sex? Plenty, by the sound of your sexual appetite! You love him, but let’s face facts, when it comes to sex he’s a limp piece of lettuce and you’re a Jalapeno chilli. Can these two ingredients work in the bedroom? I’m not so sure. As your bloke is the sweet, gentle type (ironically what loads of ladies would kill for), no amount of him playing the bad guy is going to push your buttons. The real question here is how important sex is in your relationship, and only you can answer that. I reckon you either need to decide you can settle for so-so sex, or move on. Otherwise, do what millions of blokes do and fulfil your needs from the internet.
Manswers Man Dr Phil says… Whilst girls love bad boys, it’s normally far preferable to live with a good guy who treats you right. But at what price? You’re definitely entitled to a fulfilled sex life and if something is lacking you should voice your concerns, which is easier said than done without hurting feelings your guy’s feelings / possibly making him feel emasculated. It’s a tough one. He hasn’t necessarily got it in him to break out of the ‘vanilla’ sex and when he’s tried it’s made things worse. What to do? It’s not shallow to expect good sex – it’s an important element in a relationship and can be a good gauge of its health. I reckon if there’s some spark in the sack initially it can gradually develop, but it has to be there from the start.