MANSWERS: He cheated on me but claims he’s changed. Has he?

MANSWERS: He cheated on me but claims he’s changed. Has he?

Manswers he cheated

I just found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. He admits he was a serial cheater before he met me but claims that he changed after we met. He introduced me to all his friends and his parents. And he often refers to me as his future or the best thing that had ever happened to him (he’s told friends and family that about me). I’ve never met a guy who treats me like he does. But yet he cheated on me. Should I give up on the relationship? I love him very much and I don’t want to. Sarah

Reality Chick says… There’s a special place in hell for chronic cheaters. While I am totally down with people negotiating relationships which work for them (open, polyamorous, what-have-you) I’ve made no secret of the fact that I am not a fan of those entitled shitheads who pretend to be committed but lie and betray their partners over and over.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation, Sarah, but I think you should face facts. Mr But-I’ve-Changed hasn’t got a great track record – before you or while with you. Do you really want to spend your time worrying and wondering where he is and if you can trust him? That should be a no, because it’s a crap way to live. Let’s see what the Manswers Men think.

Manswers Man BB says… What’s that old saying about a leopard never changing its spots? Or that other one about ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’? Clearly, there’s a difference between someone making a terrible mistake and being a serial cheater (his words). Was he remorseful? You say you found out, did he confess (slightly more admirable) or did he just get caught? The Scorpio in me wants you to meet up with an old boyfriend for a catch up (and come home really late) to see his reaction, but that’s probably a bit immature.

What makes this situation so awful is that you obviously love him very much. It’s clouding your judgement (I’m guessing you wouldn’t hang around if you weren’t that into him), and subconsciously he knows this, otherwise he wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Without putting too fine a point on it, this is a tipping point in your relationship. If you overlook his infidelity, there’s a very high probability he’ll reoffend. Personally, I’d want a break from one another, as only then will you get a decent insight into what he really thinks of you, the relationship, and your future together.

Manswers Dr Phil says… Cheating is an understandable deal breaker for many. You say you found out he cheated – or did he tell you? If it’s the latter, that may indicate that he’s changed – or intends to – but it obviously doesn’t change the facts. I knew a guy who was serial cheater. He had a good number of concurrent relationships at any one time and the girls involved were cheating on their partners/husbands because he knew how to treat a woman (whereas their relationships were devoid of the charm, passion and fun he brought to the party). Just another perspective!

If you stay, just make sure you’re not getting taken for a ride (no pun intended). I’d maybe test him somehow. I don’t know if you want to go down the revenge route of cheating on him and letting him know about it. On the one hand it could even the score and you’d see how he likes it, but it’s  a negative avenue to take and in the end, you want to be happy. I’d advise against making a choice that is likely to lead to that end. You’re probably better off walking out of the relationship.


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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