How do I tell my boyfriend to tone it down a little in the bedroom without hurting his feelings? We’ve been together for 10 months. Our sex life is great and normally a daily thing, but every single time we do it (not even slightly an exaggeration) he tells me I’m his soul mate, fate brought us together, he’s so glad he found me and how much he loves me etc. It goes on for a good 10 – 15 minutes each time and I run out of things to say back, or I just try to moan over the top of him and drown him out.
At first he just used to say ‘I love you’ a lot during but now it has evolved to this huge declaration of love. If we do it multiple times a day, he still does his little speech each time. It’s not that I don’t feel the same way, but it’s getting to the point where I am so distracted by this and trying to think of something to say back it sort of ruins the moment for me. I love him so much, I really don’t want to hurt him. I’m not very tactful so please help. Sandara
Moaning over the top of him – I love it! But, I understand your feelings; for many, sex isn’t sex without that grrrr factor and his endless declarations of love sound like a bit of a passion killer. You need to tackle this carefully, Sandara – and NOT in the bedroom.
Maybe head out for a few drinks, loosen up and turn the conversation to sex. Tell him how much you love sex with him. How awesome it is. How awesome he is. Then you can sort of slide into confessional mode saying something like, ‘You know what? I’ve worked out that it’s so much easier for me to come/see stars/enjoy it if we don’t talk much during sex – it may sound kinda weird, but that’s just me!’ Or try saying, ‘Sometimes I love it when we talk during sex, but other times, it really turns me on to talk dirty. And sometimes, I’m in the mood for that quiet, sleepy sex where we don’t talk at all. What do you like? Happy to try anything to make things even better’. Anyhoo, those are my two softly-softly approaches – let’s see what the Manswers team suggest.
Love, reality chick
Manswers Man BB says… “Just when we thought all men were selfish, self centered pricks who only wanted sex for their own gratification, along comes a bloke who lets his lady know how he really feels – and we crucify him! Actually I’m with you, Sandara. There are plenty of places in this world for dialogue, but the bedroom isn’t one of them. The trick here is to take control. Before your man starts his romantic utterances you need to dictate the tone of the sex – be it a long passionate love session, a playful bout of slap and tickle, or a good old fashioned quickie. This should prevent him from hijacking the mood and turning things into the bedroom version of a soppy Mills and Boon novel. Alternatively you could simply put your index finger against his lips to silence him next time you’re in the moment and tell him how much you love the sound of your bodies in silent unison!”
Manswers Man Dr Phil says… “In all honesty, sex needs to be a bit dirty so the lovey dovey thing isn’t necessarily a good fit. I think moaning was a great tactic – althought it didn’t work! So here’s a suggestion: start talking dirty back to him whilst he’s giving his spiel. It might shock or confuse him but he’s putting you off, so he may need a jolt. Sex is important in a relationship and at this point Sandara, any kind of circuit breaker is worth a try. Who knows? It may turn him on! Either way, it might help address the big elephant in the bedroom.”
Manswers Man MrE says… “Have you considered introducing a ball-gag? Or is it not that sort of party?! Bottom line: your boy clearly feels that he needs to say these things and maybe it has become a ritual for him. Maybe he fears that without the words things won’t happen. Maybe he is just incredibly grateful. Either way, just a simple “shhhh my darling, less words, more action” might be enough to get him focused on the task at hand. If that fails then gentle interruption to his speech with kisses or otherwise may help to derail his monologue. Good luck!”