I just met this guy on the internet and before meeting, he says he wants me to ditch the birth control so we can start making babies! VERY unusual for me. He said I can talk to him, get to know him a little before deciding. He is very handsome, very sweet, but I barely know him at all. What do I tell him? He’s in his late 20’s so I’m guessing he just wants to start a family, which I understand, but a baby with someone he just met?! So weird! Angel
Yowser. In all our years of advising people about red flags during dating, this particular scenario has never come up. And that’s because it’s crazycakes with a side order of loony pie for anyone to want to have babies with someone they’ve never met (unless they’re in the market for an egg/sperm donor or surrogate). I’ll let our Manswers crack team knock some sense into you with their answers below. But for the record, I totally agree with them. This guy might be handsome and sweet but he’s also a beer short of a six-pack. Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. Change your email, cut contact. No good can come of a man wanting you to ditch the condoms and start a family after a few internet chats. If he wants to know why you’re not interested in housing and nuturing his offspring for the next nine months (and the 18 or so years after that), tell him you’re a person, not a uterus for hire. He should be wanting to buy you cocktails and take you dancing, not trying to wine and dine you into the obgyn’s suite. Also – God knows what his STI status is… what girl in their right mind would throw out protection without having mutual tests? Not you, Angel, that’s for sure. Sheesh. (By the way, for anyone who’s interested, the photo above is from cult blog www.studioarthur.co.uk – check it out for more of baby Arthur re-enacting famous movie scenes, taken by his photographer mother Emily Cleaver!)
Love, reality chick
Manswers Man BB says… It’s a well known fact that blokes will say anything to get a gal between the sheets, but this takes the cake, Angel! Rather than just say ‘I want to have have lots of sex please’, which would be blunt and potentially a turn-off he throws the romantic curve ball of ‘I want to make babies with you’. You may be guessing that he ‘just wants to start a family’, but I’m guessing he is playing a well known tune, just in a different key. Run away, FAST! That is unless you are actually looking for a ‘donation’ of the swimming kind, in which case he sounds perfect! Just get the legal stuff sorted before you get down to business.
Manswers Man MrE says… Firstly, I don’t know your circumstances, but are you really considering this? Do you already have children? What do you know about this man? How long have you known him? Were you interested in having children before you met him? There are known cases of men who are compelled to impregnate multiple women due to a mental illness known as ‘reproductive abuser’. They commonly charm and promise the world to a woman, but the abuser loses interest once the child is born. It may not be his motive, but it does bear thinking about. Plus – putting aside the issues of AIDS or STDs for one moment – bringing a child into the world is a very serious commitment and not something anyone should take lightly. Its also a job for two people and one not easily performed should you be left, quite literally, holding the baby. In my opinion, it’s not something to consider with someone you are yet to actually MEET either. We can all fall head over heels but caution in the early stages is definitely called for here. If you want to pursue this path, do yourself a favor and make sure your prospective baby-daddy has an HIV test and is checked out for any STDs before you put your life at risk or that of an unborn child.
Manswers Man Dr Phil says… Umm. I would strongly recommend getting to know each other first. What’s the rush? You don’t know him – without wanting to sound paranoid (actually, no, be paranoid), I would be damn sure there was no ulterior motive!