MANSWERS: I hate my bum and it’s wrecking my sex life

MANSWERS: I hate my bum and it’s wrecking my sex life

Hi, I’d like the guys to answer this please. I’m 25 and am in a relationship of seven months. Our sex life is good, apart from one thing – I hate my bum. I always have and always will and I have always tried to avoid positions where it might be ‘on show’ so to speak. My boyfriend says my bum is fine and he loves it and I am being paranoid and he gets annoyed when I only want to do missionary or me on top (he loves reverse cowgirl and doggy style and I won’t do either!). He also teases me when I get dressed under my towel so he can’t look at my bum. My friends think I’m insane and that guys are just happy to be getting a shag! What do the manswers men think, do guys really care or focus on our body flaws like girls do? I really need help, it’s messing with my head and I love this guy and don’t want to lose him! Beau’s Girl

Manswers Man Bernard says… Let me let you in on a little secret. Men HATE women’s insecurities. All that shit is in your head. Guys want a woman who’s good fun to be with, who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin. This does NOT mean you have to have supermodel proportions, either. You know those skinny girls who look like they haven’t eaten in months? Guys don’t like that. They love real women. Women with curves! Women who have a bit of booty! Women who love themselves for who they are. I’ve been with bigger girls who were super sexy because they believed they were, and carried themselves in a sexy way. I’ve also been with girls who have body issues and don’t like themselves and it’s hard yakka. You know that saying about how you can’t love someone else unless you love yourself? I think that’s true. I don’t mean you have to be big-headed about it, but you definitely need to feel happy with who you are as a person to have a healthy, functioning relationship. You’ve got to work out this issue for yourself. If a guy’s really into someone – and obviously your boyfriend is – then he’s just happy to be having sex with you. But if you keep going on about it, you do risk causing a problem between you. If I was your boyfriend, this would really bother me.  I think a lot of girls ruin relationships becuase they’re so negative on themselves and it just becomes too hard for the guy to prop you up all the time.

Manswers Man Dr Phil says… It’s common for girls to dislike something about their body that others – particularly boyfriends – don’t see as a problem. What’s wrong with your bum? It sounds like you may be a little too self-conscious around that area: the getting dressed under the towel bit sounds excessive. Your boyfriend says it’s fine – in fact he loves your bum, and wants to indulge in those positions. Why not believe him?

Manswers Man MrE says… You’re paranoid. On the basis that he is telling you everything is great and he has a desire to see your derrière while sharing your more private moments, so I really think that you’ve just got to get over it. Everyone has insecurities that they have to deal with everyday. You’re not the only one who sees a flaw in your appearance – and you know what? Most likely it doesn’t really exist. Perfection is often a goal that reality will never allow us to achieve, even the world’s most beautiful people are airbrushed to hell and back before we get to see them. We all hate to evaluate ourselves, I for one hate to see pictures of myself when fully clothed so imagine (actually don’t) how paranoid I’d be naked. I think its time for you to drop the towel and get onboard.

Manswers Man Kenneth says… He’s not fixated on your arse in a bad way. Embrace it. All women are gorgeous. Relax!


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

4 Comments

  1. eevee 6 years ago

    I don’t try to hide from my partner and I hate my butt too. I’m a stick with no ass no boobs and no “curves” that’s what I’m insecure about. To the guy that said shit like “we like real women with curves and some booty not those anorexic looking models” thanks. Some of us aren’t blessed with a big booty, boobs and “curves”. Some of us are scrawny sticks by birth so sorry that’s so unattractive to all guys.

    • Mel 5 years ago

      Deb, your comment is so true. So tired of reading comments from guys about how they hate women’s bodies that are not voluptuous. How do they know she’s not hiding under her towel because of the current trend of ‘booty’ fetishes and she has a small one or shock horror a flat one? So unhelpful…

  2. Deb 9 years ago

    Sorry I am not a guy, but I just to comment about the quality of answers from the guys – great advice. Either the guys are as good as the girls or the girls are as good as the guys:)
    So Beau’s Girl – when and why did you start disliking your butt? What was the one event that started this problem? It maybe your butt, and you do have a right to dislike it, if you want to, however, you do not have a right to belittle your boyfriends choices as to what he likes, and that is what you are doing. Put yourself in his shoes. He hates his butt, but you think it is hot, and he does everything he can to hide it from you – cute, for the first few days, then it becomes a little annoying? He has said he loves your butt, you lucky thing. Personally, I see a little emotional manipulation here – you keep harping on about your butt and he has to keep saying it is great. You get your compliments. Only you know the truth – do something about that.

  3. Bronwyn Hewitt 9 years ago

    Do Pilates for Bums…if you can’t find them they are in my book….I can send them to you. Broni 🙂

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