MANSWERS: I’m pregnant and terrified, he wants me to keep it

MANSWERS: I’m pregnant and terrified, he wants me to keep it

egg and sperm final

I‘m 25 and could possibly be pregnant. But before everyone gets out the trumpets and starts celebrating, I’m terrified! I’ve been with my partner for 4 years, we have our own house, a small property portfolio and both work. I am a self-employed dancer and circus performer and the prospect of having a child now would change my life dramatically. It’s not something I’m sure I can cope with right now. I have no other career prospects at present and certainly couldn’t continue with work whilst pregnant.

I definitely want a family with my partner, in the future, but not now, every aspect of the thought of pregnancy and parenthood fills me with dread! I’m in the lucky situation where my partner really wants a family however, from the conversations we have had regarding the matter he would like me to go through with the pregnancy and I simply do not feel ready! Just the past week of worrying and I’ve been so down, upset and can’t seem to find any happiness in the situation whatsoever. I need some advice please. Nikki

Reality chick says… As a woman who’s struggled in the baby-making stakes, it takes all my resolve not to tell you to go with it and bugger the consequences. But, I’d probably give you a very different answer if I was your age – and to put myself in your shoes I totally get your terror and your reasons for not being ready are completely justifiable. Sometimes it’s not the right time to bring a bubba into the world. Only you know for sure if you’re absolutely flat out certain you can’t do it right now and don’t want to do it right now (and I feel for you having to make the decision while flooded with pregnancy hormones. Some days you’re terrified and other days you’re completely joyous – it’s a crapshoot in terms of emotional stability).

That said, I can’t sign off without telling you about a very close friend of mine who terminated a pregnancy around your age because she and her partner weren’t ready. Ten years later, they did have a kid – but not before they’d endured over four years of painful and expensive fertility treatments and lots and lots of failure and despair. When you’re young (and like BB says below), you may think you’ll always find it easy to get pregnant and it’s not always so. But ultimately, the choice right now is up to you. It’s your body and your call and if your partner’s in it for the long haul he’ll have to try and understand and support whatever decision is right for you.

Manswers Man BB says… Firstly, it’s totally normal to be terrified, Nikki. It sounds like you’ve never been pregnant before, and while you’re all for the idea of a family with your bloke, you don’t want to go down that road just yet. Of course, there is a school of thought about how you’ll ‘just know’ when you’re ready to start a family. Problem is, just when you’ve picked out the pram, bought the cot and agreed upon names the whole baby-making caper doesn’t always go to plan.

At the risk of sounding controversial, I actually think the woman has the overriding vote on this one. Yep, you created the baby together but you’re the one who’ll have to carry the baby, endure childbirth and in a lot of cases be the main carer. If you’re feeling this unhappy, I think the call is yours to make – and your partner should be understanding of this.

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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