MANSWERS: My fiancee’s escorting again and thinks I should just suck it up. Help!

MANSWERS: My fiancee’s escorting again and thinks I should just suck it up. Help!

My fiance of two years has decided to return to escorting again. She says it’s because of the money. We all know what is involved with escorting and I die each and every time she goes out. She tells me to accept it or get out. Is the writing is on the wall for us? James

No one has the right to dictate their partner’s career choices but when you’re planning to spend your life with someone, and their job affects you to this degree, ‘accept it or hit the road’ doesn’t quite cut it. Sex work is legitimate employment, despite the stigma and discrimination sex workers are up against – and your fiancee has no doubt endured a bucket-load of judgement during her time in the industry. Maybe that’s why she feels you have no say in her choices. You, however, feel ripped off because your future wife being a sex worker is not a life you signed up for. That leaves you guys in a stalemate, and a hefty one at that.

Being a partner of a sex worker can be challenging. It’s not for everyone. That’s okay. We’ve all got to acknowledge our own boundaries, and feeling shit every time your partner walks out the door to go to work isn’t any way to live. But, the fact that she won’t communicate about this issue or acknowledge your feelings doesn’t bode well for future curve balls you guys may butt heads over. You either need counselling ASAP, or to realise it’s a dealbreaker and move on.

Love, reality chick

BB says… I’ve not been there personally but yep, we all know escorting involves more than polite conversation and hand holding. It would show immense maturity on your part if you could support your fiancee’s career choice but I think most blokes would have an issue with their life partner sharing intimacy with other people as a means to earn a living. Her ultimatum is the key issue here, though. I think you really need to consider the possibility of starting again.

Mister E says… James, life choices are what define us, as does our acceptance of other’s choices. If you expressed your dislike of her chosen profession and presumably she stopped because of it, what’s changed to make her want to start again? Does she know how very unhappy it makes you? I don’t know your collective financial situation but maybe it’s about her wanting the lifestyle that money from escorting can buy. Or maybe it goes deeper. Because if it is just the money, then can’t you both find another way? To be honest, I can’t help wondering if this relationship is not what you think it is. Support and respect is key in making a relationship work. As I see it, you don’t support her on this issue. She has no respect for your feelings on this issue. That leaves you, I think, with the need to reevaluate. Good luck.

Dr Phil says… Is the writing on the wall? Yes.

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Matt 8 years ago

    Run for the hills now!!!

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