I’m currently seeing a man who at first, could not get enough of me – talking and texting daily, often speaking for hours, seeing each other on weekends for the first two months. I know everything about him and have met his grown-up kids. Now, during the last month, he’s completely slowed down on the contact. We text but no longer speak every day. He tells me he’s busy with work, his daughter will be leaving for college soon and while wants to settle down with that ‘special’ someone, he’ll be busy til his daughter goes to college.
I ask him if he wants me to just disappear for awhile and he says NO! So, I now feel like he gets what he needs from me when he needs it, and I just sit and wait on him. What do I do to explain to him that I need more from him, his effort was there early on, but I think he has me right where he wants me and I am not going to be placed on a shelf. I don’t want to lose him, but my patience is running thin. Please help. Genie
Leah, call me cynical but I’m not buying the ‘work’s so busy’ and ‘I’ll be flat out til X goes to college’ lines. He probably does have a lot on his mind – as do we all – but not to the detriment of a budding relationship he was perfectly happy to nurture and develop a month ago. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do think one party cooling off substantially before you’ve even hit the three month mark is a bit of a red flag.
And, the balance of power has shifted too – putting you on the back foot. If it’s suddenly all on his terms, you have a choice to pull back a little. Not be so quick to answer texts or so available when he decides to make time for you. Get on with your own stuff. If he questions you, tell him that while you enjoy dating him, you are starting to wonder if you’re still on the same page – and, honestly, that you’d come to expect more than he’s able to give you. If he’s being honest about not wanting to lose you, he’ll step up. If not, you’re better off not wasting any more time.
Love, reality chick