My ex dumped me and so did my friends. Should I call them on it?

My ex dumped me and so did my friends. Should I call them on it?

friends dumped me

I had friends I met through my ex. But when my ex dumped me out of the blue by text after a year, the friends cut me off. WTF?! Did I do the right thing by not saying anything? It felt like double betrayal to be ditched by them when I needed support. Should I make contact and ask them why they did it? Meg

To be honest, I’m thinking no. They’re cowardly but by their actions you know where their loyalties lie, and putting them on the spot about it will probably a) result in awkward and unsatisfying explanations and b) leave you looking a bit desperate and fruit-loopy. I get why contacting them is your first instinct but you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster right now – and this is probably the worst time to make contact with people who have the power to make you feel even worse.

I know a year may seem like a lifetime when you’re in a relationship, but these weren’t your lifelong friends. They were his friends, no matter how close you became to them or whether he deserves to walk away with them or not. Chances are, they still like you and if they’re decent people, possibly feel really shitty about what’s gone down and how your ex ended things. But friendship dynamics can be funny things and people will do a lot to stay within their inner circle, even if it means behaving reprehensibly. Plus, it’s an undisputable fact of human nature that when the chips are down and a relationship ends, people often side with the friend they knew first.

Bottom line? You don’t need your ex and you certainly don’t need his two-faced mates. Even if you have to fake it at first, walk away with dignity and your head held high, because if anyone deserves to in this crappy scenario, Meg, it’s you.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Meg 8 years ago

    They might have been his friends but on other breakup online forums, people don’t do this no matter how long they’ve been friends with the jerk. I also know other people who wouldn’t be this illogical or two faced.

  2. Meg 8 years ago

    I really don’t understand loyalty to a massive jerk. I’ve been dumped in the past by friends, for much less than that.

  3. Meg 8 years ago

    You didn’t call me a psycho, it’s just that I can’t stand the double standards of breakups. I’ve been the dumpee more often than not. But every time I’ve been the only one who actually does the right thing (goes no contact, doesn’t lie and cheat) despite being the dumpee. The dumpers have been Aholes.

    • Author

      I know, it sucks… I’ve been in your position too but I really do believe you learn a valuable lesson in what you DON’T want next time around when you go out with an a-hole… You don’t need to give these people anymore of your time or energy.

  4. Meg 8 years ago

    I can’t understand why it would make me a psycho for calling them out. Yet they’re not psychos for being two faced and siding with my lying, cheating ex. Especially when cheaters always paint the dumpee black and Lie, blame everything on them. Yet this is also ok?

    • Rachel 8 years ago

      Where did I call you a psycho? I’m lost 🙂

      And no, none of their behaviour or your ex’s behaviour is ok. I was just trying to save you more drama and added pain by suggesting you turn your back on them rather than trying to get an explanation for why they blanked you…. Because you probably won’t get one you’re satisfied with and you’ll likely end up feeling worse. That’s how it goes when you’re dealing with fuckwits.

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