My ex got engaged and I’m mad

My ex got engaged and I’m mad

my ex is getting married and i'm madI’m over my ex. REALLY over him. We broke up a year ago, on Valentine’s Day (he always had crappy timing) and he just rang me to announce that he’s getting married.

We never even came close to it – in fact we fought about when he might actually be ready to do it – and now he’s getting hitched to some chick he’s known six months. We were together for 4 years, and I just can’t stop obsessing about this. Help! Abby

Ouch. Few things bite more than a non-committal ex who gets engaged before the dust has barely settled on his last break-up. Unless of course, it’s a newly-engaged ex who can’t wait to get on the phone to ruin your day with his big news (don’t you just hate people who gloat).

You only have to look at Hollywood’s dating track record to see that rebound marriages have about a snowball’s chance in hell of working out, but many guys do this. It’s like they’re playing a big game of marital musical chairs, and when the music stops, they finally stop faffing about and settle down, even if it’s with someone they barely know. Some would call it timing. Some would say the one before ‘The One’ wasn’t the right one in the first place. But no theories change the fact that women who put in the hard yards to turn a dude who’s rough around the edges into decent husband material are often left behind while the next girl reaps the benefits.

I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to let go of this one, Abby. Look on the bright side: somewhere out there, is a guy other women have tirelessly trained up into decent boyfriend material. Chances are they now think he’s a total bastard – but he could just be your Mr Right, because in the dating realm that’s just how the cookie crumbles.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

5 Comments

  1. Jenn 6 years ago

    I was with the same guy for 5 years. We have 2 beautiful little boys together and are still friends for the sake of our children. When my youngest was a newborn he was cheating on me and was never home helping with either children.so I kicked him out fast. Life was a party for him. Now 3 years later he just got engaged to a girl he has been dating 8 years. He talks about how he doesn’t go out clubbing anymore because he gets what he needs. I have no feelings for him anymore but it still hurts that he is basically telling me she is worth staying home for. He spends more time with her child that isn’t his I might add then he does with ours. It hurts me for my children that he is basically rubbing it in my face that he found what he thinks is better. I doubt he has changed that much I just think she is more willing to put up with his crap then I was.

    • Author

      I would so put this down to timing and him growing up, Jenn, rather than anything you did/didn’t do or the kind of partner you were. Even so, I totally get how sucky it is that she enjoys the support and better behaved guy you really needed him to be back then :-/

  2. Bubble Girl 10 years ago

    Ah . . . the fluffer. You know . . . the girl that gets the guy all ready and prepared (for commitment in this case)so he can then move on and marry the next one. Hurts like hell.

    I was with my ex-ex for 7 years and in the end, he couldn't work out if I was the love of his life or not. He married the next girl he dated (of course, he still told me that there was hope for us . . . yeah, right).
    And my last ex was talking marriage after 3 weeks, but when push came to shove, he couldn't make a commitment to a date on Saturday night, let alone a life together. Yep, you guessed it. Last I heard, when he thoughtfully rang to tell me, he was engaged to the next woman he dated. I was the fluffer.

    But you know what? After these experiences, I had pretty much resolved myself to the fact that I was just one of those people who was never going to get married. But I just got engaged to the most wonderful man and I can't imagine what his ex was thinking when she let him go. Fool. And in hindsight, I think what a blessing it is that I never married either my exes, as my fiance is more of a partner than either of them could ever be, and I've never been so happy.

    So, moral of the story . . . yes, it hurts, it sucks . . . but just maybe, it is a blessing. Someone fabulous is waiting for you to pick up your heart and your life, and walk into his.

    And your ex is a fool.

    Big hugs

    Bubble Girl xx

    • Ashley C 6 years ago

      Ahhhh, The Fluffer! I’ve always tried to give it a name, but to no avail. It seems like my life is stuck on repeat, I date long term, and then suddenly people change, and I’m back at square one, wondering when it will be my turn to find someone who wants to be commited to me for a life time.
      My first love, always the hardest, had a child and was married within a year of our ‘end.’
      The second man I ever loved was a hopeless cause. Lived with his parents, couldn’t keep a job or a vehicle… or sober, for that matter. 3 Months after I mustered the courage to leave, he moved out on his own… and as for the rest, well, he is still working on that.
      And, my most recent ex. The man I PLANNED to marry… who swept me off my feet and made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, until the month before i left him (because he just changed. distant, quiet… you know the deal… it was over and i knew it.) He too, has just become engaged to the ‘girl’ I later found out he was cheating on me with. I NEVER, EVER, EVER thought he would commit so fast, marriage didn’t seem to be on the top of his to-do list… but what would I know?
      But thank you, for “The Fluffer” refernce… I have high hopes that my fluffing days are behind me and that my new love, my best friend, will be THE ONE. Fingers crossed for me, ah?

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  1. […] pattern – that’s text-book behaviour I’ve seen time and time again, and it just adds to the pain, I know. It’s baffling why guys aren’t ready with one […]

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