My ex is now dating our mutual boss – so devastated. Help.

My ex is now dating our mutual boss – so devastated. Help.

I‘ve been with the same guy since I was 16. He’s the only real boyfriend I’ve ever had. We went to school together, university and ultimately ended up working for the same company. He cheated on me with our boss and left me for her. I see them together every day at work. I’ve looked for other jobs but nothing seems to eventuate. It’s been five months since he dumped me and I still end up in tears on the way home just about every day. I can’t get over this and I don’t know what to do. Serena

Serena, I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. All break-ups bite the big one, but in the warbling words of Sheryl Crowe, that first cut is the deepest. Splitting from your first love – there’s nothing quite like it, and under the circumstances, you deserve some serious props for dragging yourself out of bed and getting to work at all. You’re clearly a resilient gal, and that’s going to get you through this, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
That said, we definitely want to pick up the pace a little on the ‘moving on’ bit. Starting by moving OUT of this hellhole you have to work in every day. No job is worth the anguish. No amount of money is worth having to witness your cheating ex drooling all over your stupid, indiscreet, unprofessional superior. In my opinion they should be the ones frog-marched out the door, but given that’s probably not going to happen I think you’re right to make plans to bail. If you’re not stuck there for financial reasons – a massive mortgage, a hefty Visa bill  etc etc – what are you waiting for? Pack up your desk and hand in your notice. If you’ve got holidays owing, take them, and just walk out of there. Work in a cafe, or pull beers in a bar to make ends meet, until you can find another position you’re qualified for. And you know what? You might actually welcome a change of pace right now. You’ve been through the wringer, and it’s high time you broke free from this toxic situation – being in it is what’s stopping you getting OVER it.
I’m sure you’ve already deleted your ex’s number from your phone, and packed up all his stuff to give to a charity but if you haven’t, don’t delay. Sure, you shared a history with this guy, but any reminders of him or your time together will just keep tugging you back into that painful place you’re trying to escape.
Good luck, Serena. Wishing you all the best and please come back and let us know how things go for you.
Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. lola 9 years ago

    start goin out wit other guys!!!! nd show him hw mch hes leaving behind!!! get a makeover or new wadrobe,mke him realise his verybig mistke of leavin u!!!

  2. molly 9 years ago

    Leave, leave, leave, run as fast as you can.

  3. Lola 9 years ago

    Good advice from RC, and I’d say that taking a long, long holiday would be a great idea.
    The problem with suffering from a long time, Serena, is that we become ‘addicted’ to it… We believe there’s no other lifestyle and hence stick to it. As much as finding a new job is a great, possibly the best idea for your future career (if not the only one), whenever you go for a job interview, you’re not sending out the right vibes.
    Is this a large company you’re working for now? It may be worth a meeting with HR to speak about what’s happening to you. Business companies aren’t too happy when it comes to intrigues of this nature, but be mindful of what you’re going to say. In the past, certain industries didn’t allow couples to work in the same company, so one of them was given a severance pay and a very good reference, if applicable.
    If you’re working for a small or medium-sized company, how about going to the top cat in charge and explaining that you’re thinking of quitting because of what has happened? A bit of counselling on this situation would not hurt. After all, you want to continue your professional career without having your good name tarnished.
    Wishing you the very, very best, Lola

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