Hello, hoping you can help. I’m engaged, but I think I’m getting cold feet due to my fiance’s temper. It has become worse over the years (or he’s just less able to control it). He has extreme road rage towards other drivers whenever we’re in the car and even on the footpath he often makes it difficult for others to pass us. He simmers and sulks if I hang back to let others by.
He has never hit me, but he has shoved me a few times, when I’ve pissed him off. If I try to reason with him (mainly over being rude to people) he just says he’s in the right. I love him, but I’m more and more scared of his unpredictability and I do feel like I spend a lot of time walking on eggshells. He has a chip on his shoulder about a lot of things but when he’s happy with his life, everything’s so good. Am I an idiot if I marry someone like this, or can people change? Anna
Sure, people change. Abusive, nasty bullies who believe they’re always right might find it harder to change than people who actually acknowledge they have a problem. Would you be an idiot for marrying someone like this? What do you think? Who the hell wants to be married to a guy who may end up punching your face in? Add kids, money worries and life’s other curve balls to the marital mix and something tells me that in time, he won’t be content with shoving you occasionally whenever you ‘piss him off’.
Please, please, please Anna… listen to your gut. Call off the wedding. Clear your stuff out (preferably with a stocky male friend or two in attendance) and RUN (preferably to a swanky security-tight apartment). Your only response to any texts or emails pleading for your forgiveness should be a list of counsellors specialising in anger management.
Love, reality chick