My girlfriend and I have had a good relationship for seven months, but there is something that bothers me heavily. I can’t stop thinking about her sexual history. It’s not so much that she’s slept with more people than I have, but more that she’s done things with them that she won’t do with me.
I looked for some tips on this site to see if someone has the same problem but can’t find anything that’s exactly the same. It irritates that she doesn’t want to do something with me that she already did with another guy. I just can’t break up with her because I really like her a lot, but it’s eating me up and she won’t listen to me about it. Please help me! I’d like a Manswer too. Maikel
True story: I tied a cord to my feet and jumped off a bridge in New Zealand when I was 25. Was it a thrill? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Not really, given my heart rate was 200 beats per minute, my veins nearly popped out of my forehead and I was completely terrified. Was I talked into it by a cute guy who wanted to do it too? Yes, most definitely. My point here is that maybe your girlfriend feels the same way about her sexual past. She may not have enjoyed or wanted to repeat some of those acts you’re so bothered by. Maybe, like my bungy jump, she felt glad to leave those reckless moments of abandon in the past and not go there with you. It’s not a reflection on you. It might just be she knows more what she likes and wants in bed and it’s not those things and she’s happy to own that.
Love, reality chick
Manswers Man Timmy says… “Maikel, hopefully you know about this because you’ve had a healthy, open discussion about it. Without knowing the, ahem, ins and outs, it’s fairly likely she’s moved on from certain practices that don’t float her boat anymore or that she might now find humiliating, degrading, painful or risky. Consider that, and try get to a point where you value the relationship so much, whatever you’re ‘missing out on’ pales in comparison.”
Manswers Man Dr Phil says… “Maybe talking about it isn’t the answer. Maybe a suggestion / action in bed / in the heat of the moment is the way forwards rather than discussing it – especially as she won’t hear about it. It will take some bravery but that way you’ll either get what you want, or you’ll force the issue and maybe get an answer as to why she doesn’t want to do whatever with you.”
Manswers Man Mr E says… “The real question is, how do you know she did these things? Has she told you? If you heard it from your friends then maybe you need to ask them if it’s really true. Boys like to boast and sometimes the beers get the better of us, so a little embellishment might be causing you to think too hard about something which never actually happened. Then again, if she has told you, then maybe she is holding back because she doesn’t want to scare you off. Giving her the time to feel comfortable with you might be all it takes. Sometimes we tell people things early in relationships because we want to sound more appealing but the reality can be very different. I don’t know how old you and your girlfriend are, but people also change over time and things that you do when you’re younger will invariably fill you with horror when you are older. Maybe she also has regrets about her past, and if thats the case the best thing you can do is forget about what you heard. You say that you like her a lot. Well, maybe you need to ask yourself if you are staying with her hoping that she will do the things you have heard about rather than because you love her. You say that you can’t break up with her, but I suspect that you maybe shouldn’t even be with her if this the reason for a possible break up.”