My husband is on a dating site. He chats with this woman every morning and night. He says there’s nothing in it, they’re just friends. If he didn’t pay the site, I wonder if she would be chatting. Obviously the girls are paid to keep the men chatting. We have been married for 40 years. He has promised over and over to stop, but its all lies, he never does. Please help me with some advice. Trish
There was a similar question posed to The Guardian’s advice columnist last week, except it was written from the chat room-addicted guy’s point of view. That columnist mused that isn’t this what many, many people in relationships do on Twitter and Facebook every night, flirting and teasing and talking with people other than their partner and was it really so harmful?
She was right in the sense that social media has blurred the boundaries of what’s acceptable. But your situation is different. Your husband’s on what sounds like an adult chat site. And while he knows it’s hurting you and putting your marriage at risk, he won’t stop doing it OR lying about it.
I know what I’d bloody well do if it was my husband, but given I’ve only been married two years and not 40 (which is a massive achievement and not something to throw away lightly) I called for backup on this one. From my mum, who’s been married for half a century. I read her your question and she didn’t miss a beat. ‘If your dad did that I’d tell him to find a little flat and take his computer with him,’ she instructed.
As my mother’s daughter, Trish, I have to agree. Although if you’re feeling generous, maybe offer to help him pack.
Love, reality chick