My partner wants me to ‘punish’ him in bed. Suggestions?

My partner wants me to ‘punish’ him in bed. Suggestions?

he wants me to punish himMy partner tries to make foreplay fun, which is great. But he’ll say things like ‘Oh, I’ve been a naughty boy!’ … and then it’s up to me to ‘punish’ him. The thing is, I don’t know what to do other than to just keep talking dirty! Any ideas on how I can heat things up? Confused Punisher

This is an interesting one. The scale of what we like in bed is HUGE – and mixing it up, and having the courage to do so, can often take good sex to the holy-crap-I-saw-stars-give-me-more-of-that-right-now variety. Some people might be content with bringing a few playful or edgy elements into the bedroom – anything from talking dirty to sexual spanking, or using handcuffs. Others might find role-play a turn on. Then there are those who take it to extremes erotically, with BDSM becoming a 24/7 lifestyle (see books like Justine, The Story of O and recent e-book Fifty Shades of Grey to see what I mean).

If you’re up for pushing a few sexual boundaries, you could start by talking to him about what he’d like you to try, what you’re both happy trying, and what you’re NOT comfortable with in terms of ‘punishment’ – communicating about it first is preferable. But if he’s already saying things during sex like, ‘I’ve been a naughty boy’ maybe you could just slip into the role-play with him and take charge (which may be a bigger thrill). Start by saying something like, ‘You right. You HAVE been a naughty boy. A very, very bad boy … and I’m going to give you a spanking you’ll never forget, blah blah blah…’ [insert dirty words where appropriate].

Don’t worry about sounding silly – practice makes perfect, and chances are he’ll be aroused just by you giving it a go. If spanking’s a winner, you guys are only limited by your imagination – think ice cubes, hot wax, wooden spoons, paddles, cuffs, and so on. Just start small and see where it takes you. Have fun!

Love, reality chick

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  1. Brad 6 years ago

    there are so many ways… I suggest “punishing” him in a way that he doesn’t particularly enjoy and humiliates him. If it’s true ‘punishment’ then the person being punished is not supposed to enjoy it…

  2. Lola 9 years ago

    RC, you’re right on the money there!
    In Esther Perel’s “Mating in Captivity”, she writes about a couple in which he is attracted to SM. We also get her insights on the topic. It isn’t a how-to manual, but it sheds light on a practice that has never enjoyed good press. Confused Punisher, in the same way beauty is in the eye of the beholder, ‘punishment’ is in the ears of the listener. Enjoy!

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