No big O during sex… what’s going on?

No big O during sex… what’s going on?

faking it no big oHere’s my embarrassing problem. I am 25 and have been sexually active since I was 19. I’ve never been able to come when I have had sex with a guy. I just thought maybe they didn’t know what they were doing. But recently I have been having sex with this guy who really makes me feel really good – but for some reason, no matter how good it feels and how much it drives me crazy, I still can’t come. Now I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me. He really wants to make me come but everything we try isn’t working. Is there something wrong with me? I don’t know what else to think. Anon

Honey, there is NOTHING wrong with you. From your letter I assume the big O’s a cinch during solo sessions, so it’s just when you’re with your guy, right? It sounds like you’ve got a keeper in the bloke department ; I do love a guy who’ll go out of his way to sort you out in the sack. (Even if he’s left gnawing the doona and pawing feverishly through the Kama Sutra in hopes of finding something, anything, that’s gonna work). I’m no sex therapist but I’m a sponge when it comes to learning about the horizontal lambada – so did you know that only 30 percent of women come during sex? I hope to God for your sake (and mine, because I do love solving people’s problems) that you’re one of them.
My take on your situation? It’s MENTAL. You’re thinking about it a little too much. That Big O is an elusive little sucker. The minute you make it the be-all-and-end-all of every sweaty, saucy romp in the hay, you can be damn sure it ain’t gonna happen. So my advice is, for the next two weeks: forget about hitting the high notes through sex alone. Do it for the fun of it. And if you don’t see stars during the act itself, simply strike a pose and finish yourself off while your boy watches. It’s a great way to bust any mental block you may have going about him seeing you in the throes of orgasmic meltdown. Or, try and trick your sub-conscious by committing to two weeks of heavy petting but no sex – by the time you give in, your body could be gagging for it so much it lets go all by itself. All together now: ahhhhhhhh.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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