No job, no sex?

No job, no sex?

no job no sexI’ve been living with my boyfriend for 18 months. We were like bunnies at the start but his sex drive died when he was made redundant last year and it’s taking him ages to find a new job. I know he’s stressed out about money but don’t you think it’s weird that he suddenly only wants to shag once every few weeks? Amy

No, not really. Losing your job can be a huge stress on anyone, and a particular passion killer for blokes, as sex therapist Esther Perel says. “If a man feels he isn’t achieving or isn’t feeling self-worth, he often numbs himself sexually. Desire is a healthy form of entitlement and when you don’t feel deserving, you shut down,” she explains. I think that’s all that’s really going on here, to be honest, but it’s important to note that men always being up for it is a myth that’s being busted all over the shop. Men who turn down sex with their partner has shot up 40 percent in the past decade, according to a UK Relate study, and new research by Sexology Australia is finding that one in six couples experience issues where the guy isn’t interested in sex. However, while some people may crave a little rumpy-pumpy escapism in the face of dire financial straits, others won’t if they’re busy freaking out about paying the bills. My advice? Take the pressure off while your guy finds his feet and finds a job and I bet things will improve. If not, you can start wondering if he’s got a porn collection you don’t know about.
Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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