I was recently dating a girl for around 6 weeks and we both were having an amazing time. I have never felt this way about a girl before and she told me the same, I met her sister and her parents. However only a few days ago we had a chat and she said that although I was the most amazing person she had ever met there just wasn’t a spark.
I was gutted and still am. I didn’t beg, cry or try to change her mind I just left it at that and have given her her own space. Our sisters are quite close friends and apparently her sister and family are telling me to not give up on her but I’m in two minds. I respect her immensely and would feel as though I’m hassling her if I tried to get to the bottom of it but in saying that I want to lose someone I have such a deep connection with. I think she is a commitment phobe and although she has immense feelings for me too I believe she’s scared of opening her heart fully to me. Thanks for listening. What should I do? Aaron
Sorry you’ve had that karate chop to the heart, Aaron. Not knowing her, I can’t say if she meant it or not, but my guess is that a) she’s either not ready for anything serious, got freaked out and is using that line as an excuse to end things. Or b), she’s been struggling with feeling the same as you, but has been hiding it.
I know from experience that you can date someone, and like hanging out with them and think they’re cool and amazing … but not be into them. It’s a weird limbo to be in, but if the lust, chemistry, spark – call it what you will – is missing, at some point you realise you just can’t go on. It’s there or it’s not. It’s not fair to the other person, but when you’re the one not feeling it, the guilt can be enormous.
My advice is to move on. Craving a reason and the truth after a break-up is normal, but it’s also rare to get it – so you’re doing the best thing giving her space and getting on with your life. If she suddenly decides there is something worth keeping between you, then sure, you can decide if you want to go for round two. But I reckon her change of heart is far more likely if you show her you’re not hanging around waiting for it.
Love, reality chick