QUICKIES: He hates that I slept with someone when we were apart | Fixing my super-clingy boyfriend | Is he trying to let me down gently? | How can I be sexier?

QUICKIES: He hates that I slept with someone when we were apart | Fixing my super-clingy boyfriend | Is he trying to let me down gently? | How can I be sexier?

RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box

We’re back together, but he’s still bothered by my past. Help! 
My boyfriend and I dated for almost two years, broke up for about two years and then decided to give it another shot. Things were going great up until two months ago. While we were broken up I had sex with another guy. I told my boyfriend when we got back together what had happened and said that the past is the past. Now he keeps bringing it up. He doesn’t know what to do about it anymore. Breaking up is not an option for us. We want to work it out. We talk about it and that doesn’t help. So my question is what are some physical ways we can go about fixing this so we can put it in the past and be happy? Kayla 

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I was asked this question, I would be a rich woman. Sleeping with someone when you’re single is no biggie, Kayla. You had every right to do it but your boyfriend clearly feels that if he couldn’t have you during those two years, no one else should have you either. Nuts. What you need to ask yourself is not whether you can go about fixing this so you can both be happy, but whether you want to BE with a guy who feels like he owns your vagina regardless of whether you are currently his girlfriend or not.

What do I do about my super-clingy boyfriend?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months. I’m 16, and he’s 18. He’s a sweet, caring, and funny guy. The downside is… He is SO CLINGY!!! He has the mentality of a 14 year old boy.  I’ll be busy at work and he will randomly show up at my work because I’m not calling/texting him back. He knows I’m working! He talks in this little baby voice while he says mushy ‘sweet talk’ but it’s annoying. He tells me he loves me every 5 minutes. It’s losing its meaning, to the point where I don’t say it back half the time. I do love him but I feel like the more clingy he gets, the more I’m just annoyed by him. He says he misses me the second he gets home from hanging out with me. I don’t know what to do! I wanna be with him but the more clingy he is the more I’m thinking about moving on. Alli 

Love in your teenage years is an angst-ridden business, but this guy should have stalker tattooed onto his forehead. I predict his next move will be camping outside your window and serenading you with some bad guitar playing. Move on, Alli.

Is he trying to let me down gently?
I’ve a friend, we hang out all the time at uni (have most classes together), and have hung out a little outside, in a small group. There is this teasing/joking / brief leg touches under the table thing going on, that for me is flirting. But, I finally got the guts to ask him to lunch, just us, between classes this week, and he said he couldn’t, he was going home because he was tired. I know that as a girl, that’s something I would say when I wanted to let someone down gently. Is that what he is doing? I’m very shy, and have never had much success with men, so I don’t want to keep trying , and ultimately embarrassing myself, if he isn’t interested – especially because I do have to see him for the rest of the semester! Talitha 

Good for you taking the bull by the horns and asking him out Talitha – especially as you’re shy about it. There are a few mixed messages going on with this dude, I agree. Maybe he was tired. Or maybe he’s just a big fat flirt and doesn’t want to get tied down. Who knows? Men are mysterious creatures at the best of times. If it were me, I’d just back right off. He knows you’re interested, so let him do the hard yards to date you.

How can I be sexier?
I am an insecure nerdy girl, and my boyfriend is always telling me that I could be really sexy if I stopped getting in my own way. I’m like this because I have been used for sex in the past (even broken up with while naked… booty call break ups will ruin a girl’s self esteem.) How do I get sexier and get over having been  used before? Thanks! Emily 

How lovely that your boyfriend goes out of his way to reinforce your insecurities. But, male weirdness seems to be the theme in this quickies update, so let’s forget about him for a moment and focus on you. I love this article from Psychology Today about six ways to boost your self-esteem. All of those strategies are really great first steps to building confidence and self-worth. Once you’ve got it, you can start bringing it into the bedroom too. In terms of looking sexier – there are many, many guys out there who find nerdy girls totally hot. So rock your geek girl vibe, embrace who you are and be proud. That’s the sexiest thing ever.

Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in
the RC Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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