QUICKIES: How can I leave my abusive relationship? | Help – I won’t survive a long-distance relationship! | I kissed a girl and now we’re dating and it all feels weird | Is my ex addict ex seeing someone else?

QUICKIES: How can I leave my abusive relationship? | Help – I won’t survive a long-distance relationship! | I kissed a girl and now we’re dating and it all feels weird | Is my ex addict ex seeing someone else?

RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box.

How can I leave my abusive relationship?

I’m 29. Two years ago I gave up a gorgeous home and job (I was a dancer) and moved in with a man in his 50s. He’s violent and abusing and neglects me / abandons me for months at a time, coming home on weekends for sex then leaving again. I recently returned home to Canberra due to work / family issues and we’re long distance; I still have to prove to him where I am via Skype. He’s a member of a bikie group and doesn’t tell me where HE is and I can’t ask questions. But I’ve felt that he’s used this excuse to play around / party / lie about being with other women yet I can’t force the issue. Now, I DO want to end it but don’t know how to follow through on ending it. I’m SO scared. Please tell me what to do and how to do it.

I’ve resisted answering your letter because I don’t want to give you the wrong advice, but the research I’ve done into leaving dangerous relationships all points to the fact that you can’t do it alone. You need help, you need a plan and you need a support network. You need a safe place to stay BEFORE you break it off and a place that he doesn’t know about. You need a new mobile phone number. New passwords on everything. If necessary, a restraining order. Check out this list of resources in the ACT for women in your situation and ring some of them for advice. Also, have a read of this website, Love The Good The Bad The Ugly. I wish you all the best.

Help – I won’t survive a long-distance relationship!

My boyfriend is being forced to go college in North Carolina. His dad is making him because it’s the life that he never had! His parents told him that if he doesn’t like it he can come back at the end of the semester… but in my head that is not a solid guarantee. What do I do? I don’t know how to do long distance relationships. I can barely go two weeks without seeing him, how am I going to go months?! North Carolina is soooo far from Michigan… and we’ve been together for two years. I feel like he could be ‘The One’ so there’s no point in breaking up. Help me … I cry constantly. How do I make it through this?

I understand that this is a HUGE wrench but you know what – it’s okay. It might actually be a good thing for both of you as it sounds like there’s a bit of co-dependency going on. Maybe his parents are worried about you guys being so serious when you’re still so young and part of their decision to pack him off to school is to put some distance between you both. (To see what I mean, go rent a Brooke Shields movie called Endless Love and have tissues on hand.) I know it doesn’t feel like it when you’re young and crazy in love, but there is so much living ahead of you both. And, at the end of the day, if you guys are meant to be, a semester is nothing.

I kissed a girl and now we’re dating and it all feels weird

I just turned 15 and I’m female. I’ve never been in a relationship before. On my birthday I ended up kissing my best friend (also a girl) and we started dating. I have no clue what to do. It all feels a little weird. I really like her and have for a while. I just don’t know how to go about this. Not many people I can talk to.

First relationships always feel a little awkward; you’re feeling your way and figuring stuff out. It’s exciting and frustrating and confusing and amazing, often all at once. If you like her and have for a while, and she likes you – well, that’s great. That’s half the battle right there. Just keep talking, and take things slow if you’re feeling unsure. Eventually, you’ll know if it’s not right and you’re forcing something that’s not meant to be.

Is my ex-addict ex seeing someone else?

My ex and I have been together for about 13 years and I’ve known him since I was 15. During our relationship we’ve tried several times to live together but on his part it didn’t work out. He’s a recovering drug and alcohol addict of 16 years. After I left him, we have stayed in touch off and on. I guess I have always loved him … because we continue to have sex. However, he always wants sex on weekdays only and not on the weekends. I’m tired of feeling that there is something else going on with him. Please help.

I’m confused. Are you back together now, or still just sleeping together from time to time? Because if it’s the latter, you don’t really get to dictate what is going on with him, who he’s sleeping with or what he’s doing on weekends. Can I suggest you cut the cord and make a real break, because it sounds like you have an addiction of your own – to him. Not healthy.

Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in

RC’s Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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