RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box.
I can’t get the hang of solo sex or the Big O
Dear RC, I’m 18 and my boyfriend recently found out that I’ve never ‘taken care’ of myself. He convinced me to attempt to do it, and nothing happened. Like at all. I just couldn’t reach anywhere remotely pleasurable. He reassures me that I’ll get there one day, but I’m just so frustrated. It’s not like I’m not turned on or anything. I just can’t seem to get anywhere with it. Is this normal? Seriously Frustrated
Totally normal. Some women are naturally orgasmic and for others it’s trial and error (and for a small group of women, it never happens at all). Have you ever had an orgasm with your boyfriend? If so, then solo sex will be absolutely doable – it’s just a different path to pleasure and you’ll kind of have to teach yourself (even though it may feel funny at first). If you’ve never hit the Big O at all, but you DO get turned on by foreplay, I’d invest in a little hard-core help: a vibrator. Go shopping – with or without your guy – and buy something small but powerful (read our reviews here). You don’t have to spend loads; a bullet vibe is a great first toy and the aim is to focus it at and around your clitoris, rather than putting it inside you. I’d also read some erotica before or during – Fifty Shades of Grey or stories on Literotica or similar sites could help warm you up. The key is to get really aroused and to let yourself go. Don’t overthink it… you have to get yourself to a place of mental abandon, in a way (which is why it’s good to have a few practice runs alone rather than with the boyfriend). Don’t give up if the first time doesn’t happen. Try and try again!
My ex and I started texting again and now he’s pulling back
So me and my ex have never actually gotten over each other, and recently we started texting again. We got to talking a lot and there was a few flirty moments there as well. In fact, he hinted toward a date, and I agreed to it. That was 3 weeks ago. He hasn’t initiated contact in 3 weeks, I’ve been the one starting a conversation. But I rarely text him so as not to annoy him in any way. And he usually stops texting back without a goodbye or reason. I’ve been so confused. Has he changed his mind about us or what is going on? Zoey
Sorry Zoey, but it sounds to me like he was playing games with you. Maybe he was lonely and wanted to see if he could get you back if he tried, but once you agreed to the date, it all got too real and he bailed. Poor form I know, but better that you don’t hold a candle for an ex who toys with your feelings and isn’t serious about second chances.
Should I send my ex a letter about my view of our break-up in the hopes he’ll want to try again?
I’m 20, recently had my first serious dating experience (which sadly ended with him losing interest and fading away). We were strangers at the start, and his friends warned me that he’s a player and while I never saw signs of it, I think this affected how I treated him – I adopted a rather buddy-like attitude. I never told him of the player rumours I’d heard but now it’s all over I regret it and feel like I came across as a different person than I really am. I’d like to try again, but I worry he’s dating someone new now – and his birthday party is coming up. I’m invited, and quite nervous about seeing him (and maybe his new girlfriend). I wrote a letter explaining this whole situation and my feelings towards it on a anonymous blog. Is it reasonable if I send him a copy? Or should I rather let it go and not make this thing more strange and awkward? It’s very possible that he got the feeling that I wasn’t into him. RC, what would you suggest?
Do you know for sure he’s got a new girlfriend? Either way, I wouldn’t send him the letter. If I were you, I’d get dressed up to the nines and strut into his birthday party with total confidence, even if that’s not what you’re feeling. Suss out how the land lies, see if there is another gal on the scene and if not, suggest you and he meet for a drink/coffee/brekkie/lunch to catch up. If he agrees, you can always chat to him about how things ended and how you feel about it, but be wary about dropping his mates in it with the ‘player’ rumours. I can’t see that going down awfully well. Maybe be diplomatic saying you’d heard around the traps while you were dating that he liked to play the field and so you were acting more from a self-preservation perspective, rather than giving yourself over to the romance itself and really being yourself. Good luck.