QUICKIES: I fear the worst from my violent husband | Should I pay for the damage caused when we broke up? | Started dating my friend but now not keen

QUICKIES: I fear the worst from my violent husband | Should I pay for the damage caused when we broke up? | Started dating my friend but now not keen

RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box

 Please help me, I fear the worst from my violent husband

I just read your Q&A, “My husband is a violent man but I can’t leave him” and the same thing is happening to me. In my case I’ve been married for 13 years and I have 2 boys aged 12 and 10 years old. I feel so lost and don’t know what to do. He has done such a wonderful job of isolating me from my family and never lets me make any friends. Plus, I am in a different country. I am fearing the worst. Please help. I feel lost. Tina

Thanks for writing in. You sound like you’re in a pretty serious situation and I wish I had more information so I could help you. I did write back to you privately, but haven’t heard from you and so I’m publishing your letter in the hopes that you’re reading and that anyone else in a similar situation to you can also tap into these resources. It’s really hard to advise you without knowing more about your situation, but from your letter it sounds like you don’t have a support network around you or anyone you can speak to who you trust.
I’m not sure where you’re located but if you ARE in Australia, you can phone the Domestic Violence Line on 1800 811 811. Lifeline on 13 11 14 can also refer you to services in the community. If you’re not in Australia you are sure to find similar resources where you are. We’re thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Should I pay for the damage caused when we broke up?

My boyfriend broke up with me recently after about 3 months of dating. The breakup was pretty sudden and I copped a bit of flak which lead to me being pretty upset and angry. Once he asked me to leave, I stormed out and slammed the glass door to his house, leaving it covered in cracks.
He then rings me up a fortnight later and asks me to pay for it to which all of my friends have told me not to because of how he handled the breakup. I don’t want to be petty and I do feel responsible, but I know that he has a part to play in it as well. The damages will cost around $500 and I don’t have that money currently due to being in between jobs. Should I pay? 
Brad

I would probably offer to pay half, but I wouldn’t refuse to chip in – no matter what your friends say. Regardless of how the break-up went down, you’re still responsible for the damage you caused to his property. Which sucks, and I get it happened in anger, but offering to help fix it would be the gracious thing to do.

How do I break up with her?

I just started dating a friend of mine, she is great and everything but I don’t like her in a non platonic way at all. She’s also really into me and I don’t know how to break up with her. And I have to break up with her, I can’t continue this. Felicity

It baffles me how you got to the dating stage without actually being into her a smidgen? I mean, surely that attraction comes first before you decide to start dating? But, whatever. You’re entitled to change your mind, and if she’s really into you, you know there are going to be some hurt feelings. There’s no escaping that, so just be honest and be kind and say you’re having some reservations about jumping into a relationship with her after you used to be friends, and that you just don’t feel it’s going to work. Stress that you’d like to stay friends (if you would) but don’t bank on that happening. For a while, at least.


Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in

the RC Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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