QUICKIES: My ex is now in love with me again and I’m torn | Are we just bed pals or more? | Amazing guy, no spark, should I hang in there and hope it develops? | He wants to date me but I’m scared…

QUICKIES: My ex is now in love with me again and I’m torn | Are we just bed pals or more? | Amazing guy, no spark, should I hang in there and hope it develops? | He wants to date me but I’m scared…

Quickies: A short, sharp dose of RC advice.

RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box.

My ex dropped a bombshell and now I’m unsure about current guy
I broke up with Joe a year ago because he wasn’t putting any effort into our relationship. Four months later I meet Sam, we hit it off and start dating. My ex has kept in contact, and recently rang to tell me he’s fallen in love with me, he was sorry for everything and wished he hadn’t been so stupid. I didn’t know what to do so we stayed distant ever since, but I’ve now been with Sam for a year and I still can’t get Joe out of my mind. If he texts me I smile and we laugh about the same things. Joe is my age so we kinda have the same mindset whereas Sam is 8 years older than me. I love Sam he’s been there for me through a lot of crap and has seen me at my worst but I’m stuck because I love Joe too. What do I do?

Doesn’t it seem fishy to you that your ‘no-effort’ ex is suddenly making mad declarations of love the minute he can’t have you? And why are you still in touch with him at all? Cut contact and I suspect your mixed feelings will disappear fast, along with the drama Joe is cooking up because you’re now unavailable to him. Remember, you split with Joe for a reason and while he may be a barrel of laughs he didn’t put the effort in when it counted. You snooze, you lose. Sam, on the other hand, is older, sounds like he has his shit together and has seen you through your worst. I know which one I’d be sticking with.

Are we just bed pals or more?
I’ve been seeing this guy six months after being friends for years. At first neither of us wanted a commitment – for him, partly because he was friends with my ex who couldn’t get over the break-up. So we cooled it for a couple of months. However we ended up seeing each other again once he realized my ex wasn’t as good a friend to him as he thought. At first we would talk for about a week and meet up and end up having sex then talk for a few days after and then nothing for a couple of weeks. However more recently we talk nearly every day and see each other when we can and I always stay over. However I don’t know where we stand or if he even likes me the same or is just in it for the sex. I’m confused.

This is easy: ASK HIM. Say, ‘Pete, we seem to spending a heap more time together which I’m really enjoying. Where do you see this thing going? I’d love to know if we’re on the same page’.

Amazing guy, no spark. Should I stick around and see if it develops?
After my last big breakup, my best friend helped me through it, and in my state of loneliness, we began to date. We’ve been dating 4 months now but the problem is, there is no spark. I broke up with him once over this, but he’s so good to me and cares so much for me and even understands my mixed emotions about my ex – and when he became interested in another girl, I got really jealous and thus, we are back together. But the chemistry’s just not there. He says he’s in love with me but I can’t find it in my heart to say it back. I know it’s wrong to fall in love with what he does for me rather than him as a person, but he’s an amazing person and I can’t bring myself to break his heart again. Should I wait for the spark? Will it develop? Or should I tell him, again, that we should stay friends, and suffer the abuse I will get from all of our friends and parents?

You rebounded with a pal, when you were all messed up over an ex – totally common when you’re sad and lonely and craving a little attention. But you have to end this thing. I know it’s horrible to hurt someone who has feelings you don’t share but there is a snowball’s chance in hell of the spark developing if it’s not there at the start. Put this amazing guy back in the friendzone and hope he still wants to be friends in time. It’s the right thing to do. If you cop any abuse over it, tell your nosy friends and family that you’re only human, people make mistakes and you’d like it if they’d butt out of your personal life.

He asked me to be his girlfriend but I’m scared
I’ve recently been talking to this guy who lives two minutes away from me. He’s a real gentlemen, my mom and sisters like him, we are both in our teens, and we seem to have a lot in common. I like him – as in more than a friend – and he recently just asked me to be his girlfriend, but I have some trust issues and I’m scared of break-ups and relationships in general. What’s your advice? Should I take a shot at it and date him or should I just say no and stay friends? I think if I do that our great friendship will become awkward.

You’re miles away from the letter-writer above who’s trying to force feelings that aren’t there. I say if you like this guy romantically, get a good feeling about him and he feels the same about you, take a punt. Sure, you’re putting your heart on the line but if you don’t try, you’ll never know if it could be something magical.

Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in
RC’s Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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