RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box.
Pregnant and freaking out…
I found out last week that I’m pregnant. My boyfriend of 2 years wants to keep it and has started getting attached already but I don’t have a stable job therefore won’t get maternity leave. I’m worried about not being able to pay all of my direct debits each month and if I can even cope with parenthood. I’m terrified and wonder if I’m too young as I’m 20 but would be 21 when it’s born. I think it might be the right thing to abort it due to many reasons. Please help! Nicole
That is a hard decision, Nicole – but unfortunately no one, not even your boyfriend, can make it for you. You need to consider several things right off the bat: 1) the strength/longevity of your relationship; 2) how the finances would work / if your boyfriend could support all of you and most importantly 3) whether you’re ready (and keen) to be a parent. Everyone’s different – I just had my first baby aged 40, and I know I wouldn’t have been ready at 20, but that’s just me. There are lots of people who prefer to have their kids young and I can certainly see the attraction (I imagine you’re a lot less tired for starters). Anyhow, I’ve answered variations of your question a lot on the site; you can read them here, here, here and here. Good luck with your decision.
Should I wait and hope the love returns?
My boyfriend and I were friends for six years before hooking up and we lived together for a year and a half as a couple. After college, he received a large amount of financial aid because of the military G.I Bill and then he ran out of money and relied on me to pay all the bills. He paid me back, but the second summer together he ran out of money again. We ended up moving out and living separately. He’s now trying to be responsible and working two jobs but the love has gone. I fear I no longer see him as a lover, but more like a friend. We have not been intimate in about 3 months, nor do I want to, however I do love him and fear if we break up we will never see each other again. He still loves me deeply and does not want to break up and says to give him time to show he is responsible. Should I stick it out and hope my love for him returns, or is my relationship doomed? Cindy
You could wait and see, but in my experience when your feelings towards someone change drastically – ie, you don’t fancy them anymore, due to circumstance or growing apart – it’s very hard to get those feelings back.
My family would never accept him. What do I do?
I’m a 26-year-old Christian girl in love with a Muslim boy (my classmate). We’ve been in love for four years. The issue is, I belong to a well educated family and my parents will never accept him because he’s a different religion. His family knows – sort of – that we are in love and he and his family say they’ll never force me to convert. He says he’s willing to accept me even if I don’t convert. All he need is me. Much as I love him, I feel like I can’t go against my family. Is there a solution to this? I’m just praying for a miracle. Sarah
You’re an adult and you’re absolutely entitled to date or marry whomever you choose. However, I know in a situation such as yours it’s simply not as cut and dried as that and may result in having to make a very scary choice. Only you know whether your family would get over it and eventually welcome him into the fold or whether it would always be a problem. Regardless, you need to come clean to your parents; four years is a long time to keep a partner you love secret. If you can, I’d confide first in a trusted and non-judgemental family member – a sibling or other relative – who can perhaps meet your partner and help pave the way to him meeting your parents. You can only try.
Have I blown it with this guy?
I dated a guy on and off for months and we recently reconciled after I broke up with someone. At first I told him I only wanted friendship as I was getting over my ex but we ended up spending more and more time together, dating and eventually he referred to me as his girlfriend. We started spending weekends together. Then one night I went through his phone and discovered he was texting a girl he met over the summer (when we weren’t dating). She asked if they could hang out on a weekend during which we already had plans. He then changed his plans and said he might have something to do and I flipped. I never told him that I snooped but I drilled him so much he told me everything. He didn’t apologise because as he said, we’d only just become official. I told him that wasn’t good enough and to get lost and let me know when he was done messing around. I haven’t heard from him since, but I did the crazy girl mistake by sending a bunch of texts the next day asking where we stood on our relationship. Still haven’t heard from him. I like him a lot and I still want him back. Help. Jenny
To me, it seems like the stop/start/on/off nature of your relationship hasn’t done it any favours; in fact, it’s just led both of you to keep your options open and shy away from any real commitment. I think his silence is your answer. Time to move on Jenny – sorry!