QUICKIES: Should I give her space? What does ‘no spark’ even mean? | I want to go back to my ex after leaving him for his best friend | Why does it feel like all the good women are taken? | I can’t trust him but I want him anyway | Is he no longer into me? | Should I acknowledge my nasty ex’s birthday?

QUICKIES: Should I give her space? What does ‘no spark’ even mean? | I want to go back to my ex after leaving him for his best friend | Why does it feel like all the good women are taken? | I can’t trust him but I want him anyway | Is he no longer into me? | Should I acknowledge my nasty ex’s birthday?

 

Quickies. The fast food of love life advice.RC is asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the letters sent in inspire an essay (or close). Other times, just a few lines will do – and all those letters are popped into a semi-regular section called quickies. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Don’t forget, if you need advice from RC or the Manswers team, drop us a line via the Question Box.

Should I give her space? What does ‘no spark’ even mean?

I’m in college and right before Christmas break I went on a date with this amazing girl. We hit it off and there were plans for a second date when we got back into town. We texted and talked on the phone a lot over the break. Her best friend lives in my hometown so, when she came to visit her friend, she invited me to hang out with them. We hung out twice in group settings and it seemed like everything was great. The last night we hung out we all went to the movies where she even let me put my arm around her and everything. But, the day after she called me and out of the blue said that she respects me and finds me attractive but that she didn’t feel that spark or chemistry between us. I’m bummed because I was really excited about this and I just don’t know how to proceed, should I give her space or still go for it? And what does  ‘no spark’ even mean? Thank you again for the help and looking forward to your response. David

Aww, these situations really bite the big one. I feel for you David and I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but no spark just means that while the other person may like you a lot, they only have platonic feelings. I happen to believe you can’t manufacture ‘spark’ or chemistry or anything like that. It’s either there or it’s not, and when it’s there for one person but not the other, it really sucks. But the worst thing you can do is hang in there and hope she’ll suddenly do a u-turn. I think you’re better off dating other people.

I want to go back to my ex after leaving him for his best friend

Me and my ex had been dating for at least 9 months when I started getting close to his best friend. I would call him when I was having problems and we got on really really well. We both said we liked each other and eventually I dumped my ex [to date his friend]. However, my new boyfriend changed, eg. became aggressive, moody and no longer the person I fell for. I still have feelings for my ex (we’ve gotten drunk and kissed). He doesn’t blame me or see me as the bad guy but I feel that if I go back with him I’m forcing myself between these two guys who are best friends. I don’t know what to do, because I no longer have feelings for my current boyfriend. I know that he loves me but has a had time showing it. Laura

Laura, the only thing I kept thinking while reading your letter was that you’re smack bang in the middle of a Jerry Springer episode, and that’s never a good thing. There are literally MILLIONS of men you could date and choosing a couple of dudes who are best friends is just tacky. And potentially dangerous given one has aggressive tendencies. Please, strike both these guys off your potential boyfriend list.

Why does it feel like all the good women are taken?

I’m 25, male and still single. I don’t know what the problem is but every time I like a girl she’s already taken or has kids. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – one day it’d be nice to have kids of my own – but  it’s hard find the perfect woman when all the good ones are been taken. Frankly it’s starting get on my nerves and affect my mental state. Lost Man Looking For Love

What’s the problem? Frankly, Lost, it’s you. Being still single at 25 is no biggie, but being fixated on finding ‘the perfect woman’ will pretty much ensure you never, ever do. There are no perfect partners. Everyone has flaws. And dating with an almighty ‘all the good ones are taken’ lament won’t get you far. Instead, try dating with zero expectations except having a good time and getting to know someone. And if you really don’t want to date women with kids, get an online dating profile and strike that out in your searches so you’re only sent profiles of child-free women.

I can’t trust him but I want him, what do I do?

I’ve had a crush on him since I was 10 years old. We got together and he cheated on me again and again and I kept forgiving him. I changed him; he became a better guy, but I still don’t trust him because he sometimes lies and breaks promises. We were together three years and I kept on trying to make him love me. He never broke up with me or left me – he always wanted me I don’t know why, though he didn’t love me.  I love him so much I almost died for him. I’m really sick. I really want him back – he’s my world – but I can’t trust him. We are broken up now and he wants me back. I tried to keep my distance from him but it just hurts me more. I’m so used to having him in my life. What should I do? Banana

You should stay broken up and tell yourself every day that you did a damn good thing getting the hell out of a relationship with a guy who constantly cheats, lies, breaks promises and doesn’t love you.

Is he no longer into me?

I met this guy on social media. We kept on texting and Skyping for two months. During those two months he was so into me he’d wake up in the middle of the night to next me (4 hours difference). And after talking for awhile he decided to fly and see me. We spent the most beautiful week together and he actually cried when he was leaving. We decided we were official then he travelled back to London. After he went back he changed, always busy with work and stopped texting me. Yet then when I wanted to break up he didn’t want to. Then after a while he started ignoring my texts and not even opening them though he still opens other social media and I see him online. So I broke it off with him and then he wanted to get back together after a week and we did but later on the same day he was telling me I love you and such after 2 hours he ignored my texts for 2 days! I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Did he meet someone else? Or is he really stressed and busy with work?

My hunch? He got back to London and for whatever reason changed his mind – decided long distance was too tricky, maybe? Sounds like he hasn’t got the courage to come clean so he’s sending you a bunch of mixed messages. But all of them add up to the same thing: he’s not as into this as you are, so you’re better off moving on.

Should I acknowledge my nasty ex’s birthday?

My ex is super mean and we’ve gone through a nasty breakup. And, his birthday is coming up real soon. Should I wish the mean guy who broke my heart a happy birthday? Leah

No, no, no, no, no.

 


Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in

RC’s Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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