SECRET LIVES: “I hire a male escort once or twice a month”

SECRET LIVES I hire a male escort once or twice a month

Would you outsource your sexual needs to a male escort? The woman I interviewed below regularly uses a Melbourne-based escort agency, and shares her experiences.

Please tell me a little bit about yourself, your age, who you are, what you do.
I am a professional woman in my late 30s.

What’s your relationship status and when did you first use a male escort?
I’m currently single. I’ve hired escorts, both male and female, when I had a partner – however I never hired an escort solo whilst I was in a relationship. I started using male escorts when my partner and I wanted to try a threesome with another man. We didn’t want to go out and pick up some guy in a bar so we decided to call a male escort. That way we could be guaranteed discretion as well as safe sex and good hygiene.

Describe a typical experience you’ve had hiring one.
The escorts are always gorgeous, fun and intelligent. The sex is always guaranteed and it’s totally discreet which is really important to me. They are there to please and it’s wonderful to be pleasured and pampered. One of my escorts even cooks me dinner sometimes and he’s a really fabulous cook.

Paying for sex / hiring sex workers / escorts has traditionally been a male pursuit…
It’s not about paying for sex. It’s about a guaranteed good time coupled with professionalism and discretion. I have a sexy man or woman come to me and spend fun intimate time together. Plus it’s refreshing to not be pressured into having sex without condoms; this was a real hassle when I used to meet new guys and they often complained about using a condom because they didn’t like them for one reason or another.
Escorts provide a service. When I hire an escort I am hiring the services of a professional man and I love the conversation and the company just as much as the intimacy. I’m not just hiring a walking penis, a penis couldn’t cook me dinner or give me a massage, but my hired companion can. I am disgusted by people who objectify others for any reason. Escorts choose to do this job and at least they’re out earning a living rather than leaching off society. I think it’s great that this service exists. I need a high level of discretion and I’m pretty time poor due to my work commitments but sometimes I still like to be pampered and spoiled. Just because I’m busy doesn’t mean I don’t have needs.

How often do you hire escorts? Is it a way of treating yourself? I hear it’s pretty pricey.
On average I would say I see an escort once or twice a month, sometimes more. Having intimate company can be many things to me. Sometimes it’s because I want to be pampered, somtimes work has been stressful and I just want some time to myself and some stress relief and sometimes I’m just plain horny. Sometimes it can be a combination of all these things. I guess I view it as a bit of a treat. That being said however, when life or work have been really stressful I consider having such company a necessity; my companion will come over, give me a sensuous massage and then we’ll have incredible sex. After this I’m relaxed, happy and ready to go back to work and face whatever it may throw at me. When it comes to the money, I’ve had the experience of using different services who charge different amounts. Let me tell you the cost is a big indicator of what you get. When you pay top dollar you get a well-groomed, articulate, intelligent escort and they’re worth every cent. I’ve made some less expensive choices in the past and most of the time I was sorely disappointed on one level or another. In this industry it’s true that you get what you pay for.

Are you in the minority among women you know?
Definitely but I think that’s a real shame. I do think many women go without sex and that is so unnecessary. I think many women fear being judged or being told they just couldn’t get sex without paying for it which is just mean. What they really want is someone intimate, discreet and amazing in bed with no strings attached. If they go out and pick up in a bar they’re considered easy, but if they pay for it they’re looked down on. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation in that regard which is so disappointing. That’s why those of us that I know who use escorts keep it pretty much to ourselves.

How memorable have your escort experiences been, sexually?
Sexual experiences are what you make of them and whether it’s with an escort or not. I have had some nights with my companions which were so fantastic I thought I might explode. It’s a good thing on those occasions I could extend my booking because I just wanted more and more. The difference with having sex with an escort compared to picking up, whether the partner is drunk or not, is that with an escort you’re guaranteed to be safe (i.e. if you pick up you just don’t know who you’re going home with which can be really dangerous), they’re definitely going to be able to perform and it’s guaranteed safe sex.

What if you’re not attracted to the escort? Is that something that’s happened to you and if so, how did you handle it?
If I really wasn’t attracted to the escort I wouldn’t sleep with them. We would just chat and I get them to give me a sensual, relaxing massage. There are some people you just don’t click with on a physical level and if that happens I just don’t hire that person again but I make sure the company knows it’s nothing the escort said or did, it was just personal preference. I think it’s only happened to me once or twice.

On the flip side do you ever worry about becoming attached? Have you hired the same escort more than once?
Yes, I have. When I was in a relationship it was great because he knew what we wanted and how our relationship dynamic worked so it was relaxed, easy and fun. Nowadays I may hire someone I’ve seen before but sometimes I want someone new. I don’t really want the complication of a relationship so I don’t worry about becoming attached. Escorts fulfil a physical need in me and although we can have lovely conversations as well I try to keep it pretty basic and not get too personal. It’s not the right environment for emotional attachments.

What kind of women do you think would really benefit from this service?
All types of women would benefit from this service no matter what their age or interests are. Hot guys, safe sex, no strings attached, willing and able, what more could you want? Of course if a woman is looking for a relationship then this service probably isn’t what they’re looking for. But for any woman looking to be treated like a princess and have fantastic discreet and personal sex then this is definitely for them. It’s one of the things I love about hiring an escort, that in this case it’s always all about me and my ‘date’ loves it just as much as I do.

Do you keep it a secret, or have you told friends? If so, what has been the response?
It’s not that I keep it a secret – it’s just that it’s no-one’s business. I don’t ask my friends who they’re sleeping with but I guess I’m not that kind of person. I have told a few of my friends when they were complaining about being horny so I suggested it to them but most of them think they would be too shy to try it. I just told them they don’t know what they’re missing.

Parts of this interview first appeared in a piece I wrote at The Hoopla titled Would You Pay For Sex? The Q&A above is with a regular client of Melbourne-based male escort agency, Aphrodisiac Male Escorts.

About the author:

Reality Chick is written by Rachel Smith, a Sydney journalist and advice columnist whose other hats include running media recruitment and connections website Rachel's List and the quietly addictive Letter To My Ex. She never has the right shoes for any given occasion, but she can sort out your love life in three paragraphs flat. So go on, ask a question. Follow her on Twitter / Facebook.

17 comments on “SECRET LIVES: “I hire a male escort once or twice a month”

  1. It’s so funny that people can’t separate the completely opposite reasons as to why women hire an escort vs. men.

    I have been working as a sexual surrogate for many years and I have to say that there hasn’t been a single woman client that just showed up for some meaningless sex. Whereas, I have a few women friends who are also escorts and they have actually had men show up, point at the bed and “go to town” without ever saying a word.

    Yes, Rich, when a man hires an escort, it is almost always just for some meaningless act of release followed by feeling bad about themselves afterwards. A woman seeks out a companion because she wants to feel connected to another human being. In fact, many of my sessions don’t involve sex in the slightest.

    I take care of people and make them feel honored and worshiped. How often can a boyfriend or husband say that is the daily status of his relationship? The reality is that both men and women have their own lives to live and their significant other sometimes gets neglected. Sometimes they get UNBELIEVABLY neglected. After years of being shunned or disappointed or belittled, after years of being made to feel fat or ugly or unwanted, or maybe just years of disconnecting from themselves, clients come to me and feel valued and desirable.

    I have rarely met a client that I don’t know very well whether it be countless emails or phone conversations or counseling sessions before a “date” even happens.

    Imagine having someone in your life who not only is excited by whatever your imagination can come up with, but is also actively striving to anticipate those needs and surprise you with attention and affection. I’d pay money for that! This kind of satisfaction echoes into every part of someone’s life when they are made to feel worthy beyond anything they have every experienced.

    Some of my clients have become so bold as to get better jobs, put more effort into their emotional lives and find a loving man to get married to, work things out with their estranged loves, or leave abusive or just neglectful relationships.

    Before you flip out and accuse me of taking credit for someone’s accomplishments, it’s not magic, it’s confidence. When you don’t have it or have had it eroded out of you, you feel desperate and trapped and all the things you KNOW you should do seem impossible.

    People pay life coaches all the time to turn things around. Is it horrible for them to hire someone to work through their sexual issues too? As a man, wouldn’t you be inspired to become a better lover and companion just knowing I’m out there somewhere?

    Haters are gonna hate, but on the other end of that spectrum: lovers are gonna love!

  2. Hi there, glad I found your Blog, very interesting.
    Im a mature straight single guy,48 who lives in the CBD Melbourne, and beginning the journey into the Male Escort Industry.
    I have no problem attracting female company, in fact I get calls daily from female friends trying to set me up with their friends for dates and whatever may follow.

    I love female company, wether its accompanying a lady to a function as her date, or joining a lady for dinner and some quality discussions on all manner of things, to things done behind closed doors.

    The Male Esort Industry sounds interesting to me and Im happy to keep you all informed on my adventures as they happen if there is any interest.

    I enjoyed the article, very informative, and interesting,


  3. I have been looking into male ascort services to try and get into the industry, unfortunately i have only seen prostitution rackets around. Are there any no sex escort services around the Melbourne area, or are they all a whatever happens kind of deal? Some information would be appreciated

  4. We offer a tailor made escorting service but ours is strictly non-sexual, I am not for the idea of prostitution, fair enough it happens and that is down to the discretion of the person.. Our service is used by professional women that aren’t really bothered about having one night stands or paid for sex, its a service whereby someone is your entourage, a hot male that will make you look good in front of your friends or work colleagues. It’s also a good way to defer any unwanted attention you sometimes get in social settings.

    What are other peoples views on non-sexual entourage’s

  5. Well Rachel, I’ve read and re-read your interview. Unfortunately the only word that springs to mind is ‘delusional’ and on many counts. I have absolutely NO issue with your desire to pay for sex. This is your decision and your right, as an adult to make that choice. What I do take issue with however is your inability to ‘stand and be counted’. Instead you are desperately grasping and very flimsy straws with the use of various words, for example: ‘intimacy’ (defined meaning : Close familiarity or friendship). You refer to your hired Prostitute as a companion. Incorrect, a companion is defined as A person or animal with whom one spends a lot of time or with whom one travels – you in fact do neither. You solicit a person to have sex with you for an agreed price – this is Prostitution, plain and simple. No need to dress that up. Also, for your reference, I am treated like a Princess, have mind blowing sex ALL with the person I’m in a relationship with. So see Rachel, you can have both!

    • Hi Donna

      Thanks for weighing in on what is a really polarising issue – but just to clarify, this interview is NOT about me personally, but rather, a woman I interviewed who uses a Melbourne-based escort agency. So, she should really be the one to respond to your comments.


  6. Pingback: “I hire a male escort once or twice a month” | Gigolo Love

  7. It REALLY annoys me when people say, ‘I respect your honesty’ as if it’s okay for someone to sleep with a prostitute… so long as it’s a women paying for it and not a man.
    If this article was about a middle-aged man who hired a prostitute twice a month when he felt horny, most people would be horrified by it, they would think it was sleazy and creepy but just because it’s a women doing it, they conjure up a completely different image in their head. In reality, it’s just as sleazy and creepy and the women is a dirty pervert. She is EQUALLY as bad as any man picking up prostitutes but I’d say she is worse because at least men have the decency to keep it private.

    SHE IS DISGUSTING and probably has more than one STD.

    • Gigolos! May their tribe increase! After being married for 15 yrs I just found out that my rascal of a husband had been seeing escorts for the last 10 yrs.
      After crying my heart out, being on medication for depression and generally wishing myself dead, I have decided that what is good for the goose can be good for the gander as well. So gigolos it is for me…………

  8. Finally a great article about the industry. Based on my personal experience, being an escort is so much more than just sex. It’s a mix out of being a lover, friend and counselor. Oh and yes I do cook as well :)

  9. I love your honesty a well and this sounds like a great idea!! how did you find this service and are you allowed to give out a name? this is definitely something I would consider cause I have not done well in the dating department..everytime I find a guy that I like and trust me I am really picky he always has a gf/ we get together then he goes home to her so he seems like a escort anyways without paying him : )

    • Hi Michele, where are you based? If you’re in Melbourne this service, Aphrodisiac Male Escorts, is based there so just click the link at the bottom of the article to go to the agency’s website. If you’re in another city you may need to google ‘male escort agencies’ and your city and start researching that way. Good luck!

  10. Pingback: I Hired a Male Escort Once or Twice a Month — The Good Men Project

  11. Thanks for sharing from me as well ;-)
    If there was one very important boundary for us girls to push, that was the one: paying for sex. I only hope it becomes more mainstream and widespread.

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