I’m a new dad, so I know that sex isn’t exactly a priority, but I was wondering how long is too long to wait until getting back into a bit of rumpy pumpy? I thought it was six weeks, but my girlfriend gave birth five months ago and I’m still taking cold showers. Should I put any pressure on or just give her more time? Desperate Dad
Oh dear. Five months is rather a long time for any red-blooded male to settle for platonic cuddles and hand holding. Most men mark the six-week post baby sex date in the calendar with a red pen, so I’m not surprised you’re feeling a little desperate by now. Put it this way, if your baby is teething, it’s been too long between shags. Chances are mummy bear is probably so stonkered that she can’t even think about any action between the sheets that doesn’t involve a cup of warm Horlicks and a snore session, but it’s probably high time she got a little skin-to-skin intimacy that doesn’t involve a crying kid, too. Even sleep-deprived mums may miss sex and the closeness it brings, so it’s about getting back to basics without pressure.
If she’s nervous about actual penetration, suggest just playing around to start, giving each other orgasms without doing the deed. This’ll go a long way towards helping the two of you reconnect on an intimate level (while making sure you aren’t lugging around a couple of Santa sacks in your boxers). Then, when she’s ready to get jiggy with it – or at least try – it’s up to you both to set the mood. Put baby to sleep, change the sheets, light some candles and close the bedroom door … or better yet, farm the little tacker out for the night and hit a hotel. Then, open a bottle of plonk, give her a massage and go slow. Things might still be a little tender in that region (to paraphrase Kathy Lette, the experience of pushing what feels like a block of flats out of your nether regions can ensure it’s a loooooong time between drinks and a game of hide the sausage). However, with a little lube (breastfeeding mums can be as dry as the Sahara) and low expectations, you both may be pleasantly surprised by the result. Keep in mind that some new mums might feel more Supernanny than Bond girl (what with the baby weight, episiotomy scars and relaxed pelvic floor) so let her set the pace, dim the lights and give her loads of compliments about her body. You never know – she might even be chasing you round the bedroom soon.
Love, reality chick
*** Are you a new dad or mum in this situation? How long is too long before getting back on the hobby horse?