QUICKIES: Sex at the in-laws | Soul mates with different goals | Misogynists | Lusting after unavailable guys | Attention-seekers

QUICKIES: Sex at the in-laws | Soul mates with different goals | Misogynists | Lusting after unavailable guys | Attention-seekers

In our latest quickies update, we talk about sex under your in-laws’ noses, soul mates who want different things, misogynists, lusting after people who are attached and what it means when you crave attention outside your relationship. Want one of the Manswers team to weigh in on your problem? Drop a line to us in the Question Box.

Xmas at the in-laws … but what about our sex life?
My fiancée and I have been together about a year now. I get on well with her parents, and they want us to spend two weeks away at Christmas with them in a rented house. Thing is, we have a pretty active sex life and neither of us want to go without nookie for a fortnight. Any advice? Hugh

Sex under the noses of your parents (or future in-laws) IS possible and can be fun – if you embrace the naughtiness of it all and take a few steps to avoid getting busted. I’m guessing you’ll be sharing a room, so let’s assume her folks know the score. Even so, keep your antics on the down-low by doing it on the floor if the bed squeaks and saving the saucy showers for when you’re back home. Oh, and definitely no loud moaning.

Soul mate doesn’t want marriage
I’ve dreamt of my white wedding since I was six-years-old. And now I’ve met my soul mate I’m finally ready for it. Problem is, he had a quick (1year) marriage to his childhood sweetheart when he was 21 and has told me he will never marry again. Ever. Gah! I’m heartbroken and can’t let it go. Sophia

For lots of women a romantic white wedding (and the stamp of legally becoming husband and wife) is the absolute icing on the cake of meeting ‘the one.’ It can be very difficult to surrender those childhood dreams and be grateful for what you have instead – a devoted partner, lover and friend. Don’t get yourself in a pretzel twist trying to change your boyfriend’s mind. He may never wed again and that’s his choice. Take some time and find a little peace with the idea. There are plenty of other ways you can show commitment. You can start a family, travel or live together, share a pet or even have a commitment ceremony with all the party and no legalities. Hell – you can even wear a white dress.

Is my relationship a lost cause?
My boyfriend was nice as pie when I met him and saved me from a bad relationship. But in the past six months he’s become quite ‘cocky’ and thinks nothing of putting down other women. He makes fun of me in front of others sometimes, or has a little dig about my outfit or some flaw of mine – and when I call him on it he just says I’m being overly sensitive.

Overly sensitive? Uh, no. Like Brad Pitt, your boyfriend’s the one with a sensitivity chip malfunction. Worse that that, he sounds like he’s morphed from nice guy to Mayor of Misogynist Town overnight. Don’t waste your energy trying to make him change – it’s better directed at figuring out why you don’t just dump the jerk.

If he’s attached, I’m hooked
I can’t stop chasing after married or ‘taken’ guys. I know it’s wrong, but I just don’t get the same buzz when the guy’s actually available. What’s wrong with me!?

Chances are you’re just addicted to the sneaky thrill of doing something you shouldn’t. But there may be another explanation. A University of Louisville study a few years back revealed that women who do this are engaging in ‘mate copying’ – in other words, we assume if a guy’s been snapped up by a woman, the chances are good that he’s worth pursuing. But, as you say, it’s bad behaviour, and recognising that is a good first step. Counselling is your next one.

We’re attention-seekers
I caught up with four married girlfriends last week for a few drinks and we all admitted that our sex life with our husbands improves if we get attention from someone ELSE. No cheating involved, but just attention, flirting, and so on. Do you see anything wrong with that?Anon

Nope. You’re married, but you’re not dead! If a little glance, a flirty compliment or a smile from another guy makes you feel sexy, and it has a beneficial knock-on effect in the bedroom, no harm. Actively seeking that attention or crossing the line into emotional affairs … well, that’s dangerous territory (unless you and your husband have some kind of agreement or open relationship policy). But it sounds like you gals are all in the clear!

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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