Sex tallies, and other things that are best left unsaid

Sex tallies, and other things that are best left unsaid

Imagine a world where people didn’t give a flying condom wrapper about your past. Of course, that’s how it should be. But it’s not always how it is – especially if our mailbag is anything to go by. Here’s the thing: your past is no big deal. Sure, you need to share aspects of it – but all the gritty details? We reckon some things are best left unsaid. Which brings us to our quick guide to Sharing in a Relationship 101.

Share and overshare on…

1. Kids. Whether you live with them or not.
2. STDs. Those you’ve had and cured or otherwise.
3. Turn-ons. How will they know otherwise?
4. Wish-list What you’ve tried and would like to try.
5. Sex toys Bust out that collection toot sweet.

Zip your lip on…

1. How many people you’ve slept with. It’s simply none of their beeswax. If your partner really seems to care about it, and grills you, and you sense you’ll be reduced to just a number once you ‘fess up it’s time to look at whether your values mesh overall.
2. How proud you are about how many people you’ve slept with (even if you are). Apart from coming off as boastful and, let’s be honest, a bit of a dick, are conversations of this ilk really the kind you want to be having with someone you love?
3. How sexually crazy you were in your past. It’s just not helpful reliving the minutiae of your glory days if these days, you have no desire to have threesomes, do it upside down, have anal, give oral or anything else that your current partner will surely feel like they’re missing out on because You Did It With Other People Before Them.
4. How the sex was way better with other people. Way to smash someone’s ego. Work on making it better, or move on.
5. How disappointed you are with their body/breasts/penis/size of their thighs etc. Love the one you’re with. If you can’t, move on.

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Kitty 9 years ago

    HI-LAR-IOUS. This list is the bomb RC. Never, ever spill the beans on your sex tally!

  2. Lola 9 years ago

    I guess that when you’re past a certain age, you can talk about your former significant others, without dwelling too much on the past. I’ll never forget what a nice gentleman once said to me: “I don’t take you out to dinner in order to discuss your ex-husband”. Well said, particularly because I’d told him enough about the ex-husband before.
    The “Numbers Game” is definitely not on, at any age.

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