I need her to have nice hands/feet, hair parted the right, non-vegetarian, no braces, two-syllable name, and a virgin. I met a girl that fit 99 percent of this detail and I am currently in love with her. The one percent of the facts that she does not fit is the virgin part. She has only had sexual intercourse once in her life, and it was a one-night stand over 2 years ago. When I’m with her, everything is fine and the thought does not cross my mind. But for the past week this fact has been constantly bothering me while I’m lying in my bed to the point where I am tossing and turning with bad feelings going all over my body.
I can’t seem to push the thought of her doing it with some other guy that isn’t me. This girl is my first girlfriend and I really do want her to be my last, but I can’t deal with the fact that I was so close to getting 100 percent of what I wanted in a girl and she’s not it. My mind just thinks the worst about the situation no matter what and just wishes it didn’t exist. It trails off to what she thinks, is she proud she did it? Does she regret? Did it actually make her what she is today? Was she really raped? So many questions I wanna ask but don’t wanna ask at the same time.
My mind just won’t let me forget and it’s absolutely tearing me up inside! I want to tell her how I feel but I don’t want to make our relationship awkward in any way. Maybe it’s a jealousy thing due to the fact that I’m still a virgin myself. I ultimately think that I just need to get this off my chest to someone and hear their thoughts. Wayne
Wayne, I’m glad you have noticed that your list in a women is ‘quite crazy.’ It’s loopy, dude. 100 percent coco loco. We’re not quite sure why you’ve developed this laundry list of odd things you look for in a girlfriend, but you’re definitely going to miss out on dating some lovely girls in the future if you stick to your two barrelled name, hair parted to the right vibe (although I do get the vegetarian thing … always have preferred a meat eater myself). Apart from the narrowness of your list, there is something else that REALLY bothers me about your current situation. In fact Wayne, it gives me bad feelings going all over my body. You allude to the fact that your girlfriend may actually have been date raped and that’s why she doesn’t tick your ‘must be virgin’ category.
Surely you know this a highly traumatic sexual assault on her (a serious crime, too) not an act of lust and libido. So why ON EARTH would she feel proud about it? She’s more likely to feel violated, scared or depressed. And why would you feel jealous of her? You should actually feel protective and outraged that someone you love was put in this terrible situation. She wasn’t ‘doing it’ with another guy and having a great time. She was being physically assaulted. BIG difference.
So, here’s the advice part Wayne – listen up. Forget your silly list and look for more important qualities in a person – honesty, a great sense of humour, adventurous spirit, kindness, faithfulness and intelligence are all a good start. Whether or not she has braces seems irrelevant to us.
Sure – ask her a few of your burning questions about the night in question. But do it without the accusatory tone or the jealousy. Ask her how she felt, did she get to talk to anyone about the rape, how she’s feels now about sex, what she feels comfortable with physically at the moment in your relationship. Then, when you’ve talked (sensitively, Wayne!) then try very hard to LET IT GO. You’ve found a wonderful girl, who likes you, who miraculously fits your list. Don’t screw is up by being all weird about her sexual history.
If you find it’s all still too hard to deal with, then talk to someone you trust – like a teacher, sibling or parent. Because being all torn up inside isn’t good for you and it’s no good for your girl.
Love, reality chick