I Here’s the problem. I’ve been dating this guy for over a year, we get along great, my family loves him, and his likes me. The problem is that I’ve started having feelings for this other guy I work with. I love my boyfriend, but I’m not sure I’m ‘in’ love with him. My friends have told me to quit talking to the other guy or to just break up with my boyfriend. But I enjoy talking to the guy and I’m scared to give up a perfectly good relationship on what might be a fling. Please help. Scared and Indecisive
This is why open relationships work so well for some people. Others – meh, they can’t think of anything worse than giving their partner the green light to go and bonk other people (and vice versa). I’m guessing you’re a one-guy gal and that’s fine – hence your angst about this crush you’re having. If you’re already fantasising about whether Work Guy would be a fling or not, that tells me you’re in deep – and it’s hardly surprising that your boyfriend’s become less appealing to you.
What to do? If you’re not sure you want to break up with your boyfriend, I agree with your friends – you’ve got to distance yourself from Work Guy. You can kid yourself that all those cosy little chats are harmless, but it’s only deepening your infatuation, your fantasies about what might be, and about how damn boring your previously cool (I’m assuming) boyfriend now seems.
Put that energy into your relationship, plan more fun things to do, go away for weekends and try and exorcise your crush out of your mind. If in say, three months, it’s not working and you’re feeling even less enamoured by your boyfriend, then there’s probably no point pushing on. You’re not into him, you’re into someone else, and it’s better for everyone all round if you end the torture, break up with your boyfriend and see if your lust for Work Guy has legs.
Love, reality chick