I was with my boyfriend for 7 years and we split when he cheated. I moved out last year, bought my own place and he stayed behind in our rented accommodation. However, then the landlord wanted to sell so he moved in as my lodger. He has treated me appallingly, he is a bad character, and I have given him notice to leave (he should be gone this Sunday).
Here’s the problem: I have since found out he has a 20 year old son! He has kept this from me all this time. To say I am angry is an understatement. I also know the child support agency are chasing him for more than 12K in missed child maintenance payments, because I found a letter from last year, sent to our old address. He doesn’t know that I know!
I’m not inclined to bring it up with him because he will direct his anger at me and shout about how I’ve ‘snooped’. But, the CSA are clearly trying to trace him and given I know his bank account, social security and work details, should I contact them? And, once he leaves should I send him a letter telling him I know? It’ll be a ‘get lost and die’ letter because I have already written it and it felt cathartic just to do that. I would love to see him squirm. Fee
Jesus Fee, you are a downright saint for letting an ex who’d caused you so much pain actually move in with you. That’s taking hospitable to a crazy new level. I sincerely hope he makes good on that arrangement to leave (or has left already) – and that you’ve already changed the locks.
I know you’re angry about the son and sorely tempted to drop him in it with the authorities, but my gut feeling is don’t go there. Firstly it’s not your business nor your problem. It also sounds like your ex has some scary anger issues (alongside his other unsavoury character traits) and he’s obviously worked hard to keep this information from you for a very long time. I worry that if you did dob him in, he might snap and it’d backfire on you. Finding out about his son after so long just reinforces what you already know about him, really: that he’s a liar, and that you’re better off without him in your life at all.
The letter thing I can actually help you with though – do you know about our sister site LetterToMyEx.com? It’s a great place to dump your anger and I would hope that doing so would close the door on this guy and give you a real crack at moving on.
Love, reality chick