Should I dump my long-distance love for a guy close to home?

Should I dump my long-distance love for a guy close to home?

I‘m in a serious relationship with a guy who is currently working overseas. I have been falling for a friend of mine while he’s been away. I think he likes me too but I get the vibe that he wouldn’t pursue anything unless I was single. I’m torn between staying with my long distance love and freeing myself up for the possibility of a future with my friend.

I know I could end up alone if I did break things off with my boyfriend as I’m not completely sure the new guy feels that way about me (although I feel like there’s a good chance he does as we’re pretty damn close). If I talk to him about the situation it I could mess up our friendship (if he doesn’t feel the same or doesn’t want to cause the rupture of me breaking it off with my current boyfriend) but I would want a good indication of commitment if I’m to break it off with my boyfriend for him. Any advice appreciated! Clare

Look, I know we all hedge our bets in love to some extent, especially in the vast smorgasbord of today’s dating scene. And I’m sure some readers will relate to your honesty. Me? I can’t help feeling that, when you’re serious with someone, keeping that person on standby while you line up the next potential partner is just mercenary.

You don’t mention how you really feel about your long-distance love so I’m not sure if you’re actually in love with two guys, or if your long distance thing has been running out of puff for some time and you’re looking for an exit route. The fact that you want confirmation of your friend’s ‘commitment’ before you jump ship makes me think you’re sorta content with your long-distance guy but bored and lonely and would rather be with someone you can see every day. If that’s the case, fair enough – but reading your letter I have to admit, I feel for the guy. (The long-distance one.)

Ultimately, Clare, you can try to do all you can to guarantee you won’t be alone either way. But the fact that your friend won’t go there until you’re single speaks volumes about his good character. So do the decent thing yourself. Break off your long-term relationship – or at the very least ‘fess up to your long-term guy that you’ve developed feelings for someone else – before you dive in to see if the grass really is greener. If your relationship ends and it doesn’t work out with your friend, that’s life. There are never any guarantees in love. But I wish you all the best.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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