Should I move – and move in with – my rebound guy?

Should I move – and move in with – my rebound guy?

I was seeing a friend of a friend over the summer. We’d both been through bad breakups earlier that year and I was so relieved that someone else finally understood what I was going through. I knew that by the end of summer he had to go home interstate, and I thought that’d be the end – but when he left I was genuinely upset. Then soon after he contacted me to say he has feelings for me and to ask me to move in with him. I was very flattered. I don’t know how I feel about him though – and its been about four months and I still don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t know anyone where he lives. And I tend to lose myself in relationships. Should I take a holiday up there? I feel that there isn’t much chemistry between us. He isn’t the usual type I’d go for. Imogen

You know that saying – misery loves company? Basically that’s what’s happened to you and your rebound guy. You both got your hearts smashed, so right away you had that powerful bond between you. It’s easier to weather a split with a sidekick. Unfortunately somewhere between sharing sorrows and bodily fluids, he fell for you. Hard enough to ask you to move in (and interstate). Here’s my take – don’t move to be with him.

Sure, it’s flattering to be desired after a rough breakup. And I’m sure you were upset to part with him, after all that summer closeness. But four months later – you’re still not sure? Big red flag. There doesn’t seem to be enough magic between you (you know, that snap, crackle pop thing that tells you he’s the one?). You should be more worried about that missing piece, than the fact he’s not your usual type (sometimes the least likely candidates can work out beautifully). It’s a tough conversation – but in the end, you’ve got to be the one to tell him. Another positive here, Imogen, is that you recognise your tendency to ‘lose’ yourself in relationships. So my other piece of advice: take this chance to ‘find’ yourself. And then you will meet the snap-crackle-pop guy you wouldn’t hesitate to move to the far ends of the earth to be with.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Lola 10 years ago

    I agree with Kitty. Rebounds are like a bridge over troubled water sometimes; or sweet treats after the bitterness of a breakup.

  2. Kitty 10 years ago

    I know some people end up with their rebounds, but in my experience, they are fun, sweet and designed to be a short term deal to bolster your confidence and get you back out in the dating world.

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