So here’s my dilemma. The Ex is going in for surgery in a week. Do I send flowers? We split up two weeks ago after two years together (including cohabiting). I understand the zero-contact rule for fresh break-ups, and we agreed to limit our contact to only written contact, and even then only for housing-related matters. The first week of separation was amicable, but the last week has not been so graceful. I believe ‘take a hike dickhead’ was the last email I received.
Next week when she’s home alone recovering from surgery, do I send her flowers? I’m not looking for dialogue, I do not want to cause issue, I just want to send someone I care about who is taking some serious strain a bunch of flowers after their operation. From my perspective someone who I care about is going through trauma. Her support network is pretty thin and I know she’s going to be feeling very alone and unsupported during her recovery. From her perspective it could be a fresh reminder of the breakup when she just wants to forget all about me. I’d be frankly unsurprised if they get shredded and I get blasted with a ‘never ever talk to me again’ email. I just have to live with myself in the future, so that when I look back I can feel that I’ve acted honourably. Not sending flowers would burden me far more than sending flowers and receiving a hostile response. Darlo Lad
If you were friends, if she wasn’t super-mad at you, if the break-up wasn’t so fresh, I’d say go for it. But I’ve been the woman drop-kicking her ex’s bunch of flowers into the bin on occasion, so I reckon a call to the florist is probably the WORST idea in history right now.
Not to get all judgey about what’s gone down between the two of you or anything, but given the stage she’s in – ie, that raw, name-calling, wants-you-to-move-to-Siberia stage – your bunch of well-meant blooms could be seriously misconstrued. (Or possibly torched in a sacrificial bonfire in her backyard, if she was really cranky.) Flowers are too intimate, there’s potential for too many mixed messages and right now, it’d be a big fat reminder of break-up pain for your ex. No matter what else she’s going through.
I know that’s not what you want to hear, and I totally get that you’re coming from a good place with this idea. However, maybe you’d be better off sending a card or a brief email wishing her a speedy recovery or something like that. I asked the Twittersphere for their wisdom too on this one; see below for their opinions.
Love, reality chick
Tweeps: If you were in the girlfriend’s position would flowers be a) welcome or b) shredded?
@FriendlyPsychOz Tough one, very specific to post break-up friendship (or lack of). Better to send text.
@TheBeautyPageAU Depends on the breakup sitch. But if he didn’t want me back then flowers send mixed messages. A card or call is better.
@vhannaford Personally I don’t know if he should contact her at all. A card would be the most you should do and even then – not so sure!
@cricketfox Shredded. He would have to have real balls to send flowers no matter how crappy I felt after surgery.
@GalaticWomanAU Just a get well card and /or balloon. Flowers are bit personal… unless they’re still really good friends and she’s single.