Since falling in love I’ve gone from carefree and fun to insecure and emotional. Help!

Since falling in love I’ve gone from carefree and fun to insecure and emotional. Help!
Since falling in love I’ve gone from carefree and fun to insecure and emotional. Help!

I recently started dating a guy who I have been friends with for years. Things were great in the beginning and it seemed like we had made the right decision to take our relationship from friends to a new romantic level. Unfortunately, the more serious we get, the more I see my behaviour changing as a girlfriend.

As a friend, I was more care-free, relaxed, and fun to be around. Now it seems I worry more, am more insecure, and read into everything he says, searching to see if he is as serious as I am about the relationship. I feel like the more I care the more sensitive I am about things he says and does. How do I stop myself from becoming a too-emotional girlfriend, but yet continue getting more serious with him? Jenn

You know what, Jenn? If I had the answer to that, I would be a very rich woman – because it’s something many of us go through in those heady early days of dating. We obsess and freak out and feel like we’re on super shaky ground, analysing constantly with questions like, ‘Is he into me? As into me as I’m into him? Does this thing have legs? Will we get bored of each other? How can I stop my heart getting broken? Did he notice my pot belly and that one of my boobs is bigger than the other when we were making out the other night?’. (Okay, maybe that last one is just me.)

Seriously though, it takes a while for the worry to settle and the relationship to find its groove – and switching from friends to lovers is an added adjustment (if it’s any consolation he probably has some of the same fears, in between being stoked about the sexy new turn your friendship has taken). My advice? Just ride it out, freak out to your mates rather than him and try to make the times that you are with him fun and light. Essentially, you’re faking it til you make it – because if things continue to go well in the coming months, that carefree, fun and relaxed chick at the core of who you are will be back. Promise.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

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