SP: How can I stop treating online dating rejections as mini break-ups?

SP: How can I stop treating online dating rejections as mini break-ups?

how can i develop a thicker skin eharmony

This Q&A is sponsored by online
dating site eHarmony.com.au.

Hi Reality Chick. I’ve been online dating for a year now and have met some fantastic people. It’s totally opened up my dating world. The only thing is, I can’t take rejection. I’ve never been good at it but when you’re dating online there seems to be so much more of it. People can be really blunt! Is there a way I can just get used to it and move on instead of treating each rejection almost like a mini-break-up? It’s exhausting. Elly

The online dating world is like courtship on speed; people can play out half a relationship before they even deign to meet for coffee. And yes, the whole disposable, plenty-more-profiles-where-she/he-came-from vibe can come as a shock to a first-timer.

It’s definitely a place where you require not just a thick skin, but something comparable to a rhino hide. And there’s no quick fix for this one; it’s simply a trait you develop with time (and, yes, after crap experiences). There will always be the odd bad egg, but going with a site that filters people can leave you a bit more in control. Let the bad eggs go their own way and you go yours, especially if that means treating all with respect and being friendly but firm when you don’t click with someone.

I predict that soon, instead of wasting energy and tears on Dave the Man Child who promised you the world on the first date and stood you up on the third, you’ll learn to laugh it off and know, in your heart, that it really is his loss. But that said, don’t persevere through online dating burnout. If you can’t stand the thought of another blind date or your latest matches makes you want to run and hide, other people will sense it. So take a breather. Deactivate your profile, embrace alone-ness and the chance to NOT date and not look. When you feel like it, you’ll go back refreshed and more able to shake it off and move on when things don’t pan out as you hope.

Hang in there, Elly. Despite its drawbacks, online dating can be a brilliant tool for meeting great people you’d never in a million years bump into down at your local.

Love, reality chick


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