Still mad two years after breaking up with my ex, who’s now marrying someone else

Still mad two years after breaking up with my ex, who’s now marrying someone else

My ex just got engaged. We were inseparable for 11 months, lived together from the start, argued rarely and had what I thought was an enjoyable life and dream relationship. He bought me my first dog and showed me what love was really about. I loved his family, especially his mother. I also loved all his friends and ditched most of mine to spend my time with all of them.

About a month before we broke up he started acting shady, deleting Facebook messages and lying about where he was. I’d previously left a terrible, 6 year relationship so I knew things weren’t right. I tried talking with him. The only answers I ever got were ‘it’s me, not you’. We attended a wedding together the day before I left. He was colder than normal and not the man I had originally fallen for. As I watched the wedded couple say their vows, I saw the look they gave each other, and realized it was over for me. The next morning he told me I couldn’t make him happy anymore. I packed and left. 

I’ve never had a reason or closure. I heard rumours he was with someone else. We shared custody of our dog at first but one day he came to pick her up and had his new girlfriend in tow and that day, he took her from me for good. I didn’t get to say goodbye and there was to be no discussion of it. He always called the shots and I was done fighting. Today I found out (after they’d been together a year) that he’s proposed to her. On top of that, he has taken her on countless vacations, bought her a new dog also, and she seems to be living a much better version of the life we had together.

I’m still angry… almost 2 years later. And I guess my question is WHY? Why was it okay for him to treat me like he did, even after the typical “I will always love you” break-up speech. Why just ONE YEAR together and they’re ready for a lifetime? Ultimately, why was I not good enough, and suddenly, she is? Imagine This

What you’re going through is rough but two years on, you need to stop romanticising this guy. He sounds far from perfect, especially if he ‘called all the shots’ during your relationship and couldn’t be arsed explaining why you could ‘no longer make him happy’. As for rocking up with his new girlfriend to take away the dog that HE GAVE YOU… well, this is not someone to pine over. A better use of your time would making a voodoo doll and letting it – whoopsie – get run over by your car a few times.

Of course, finding out your ex has proposed to the next woman is always going to be an icky day, but distract yourself and keep on keeping on. Letting go is your goal. You’re not affecting him one jot by holding onto your anger, but it’s doing you no good. It’s not going to get you any answers – because the truth is, some people are cowards at the end of relationships. They might be cheating, or wanting to spare your feelings, or can’t be bothered with the confrontation – so they trot out stupid cliches like, ‘it’s me, not you’ and ‘I’ll always love you’ just because they figure that’s the quickest way to cut ties and move on without having to actually deal with any of the fallout.

I think you’re on the home stretch of getting over this. One thing you might want to consider is maybe getting another dog? You obviously loved having a furry friend and raising a new one (not replacing the one you loved and lost) might help heal your heart. Also, maybe go a little slower into your next relationship. Cohabiting right from the start and ‘ditching all your friends’ to hang out with his rang some alarm bells for me. You can be crazy in love with someone, but slotting yourself so completely into their life that you lose sight of your own is never a good move, if you know what I mean.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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