Too shy around hot guys – help!

Too shy around hot guys – help!

Would you spare any practical advice for someone in their thirties who is very awkward around hot guys? If the setting is already familiar things are smoother, but in general the more I like a guy and the less I know him the more panicky I’ll get (or when I manage not to panic, I blush!). On the other hand this has made me sweetly attack guys before I get too nervous, but this is not exactly the point… I’ll wait eagerly for your advice, after all you promised to be cheaper than therapy! Hugs. silentmew
Yup, it doesn’t get much cheaper than free around here. But I no complain. Can I just ask about your habit of ‘sweetly attacking’ guys? Does this mean you are scoring scads of hot sex while completely bypassing the small talk thing? Nice work girlfriend, but let’s tackle that talking issue. I’m guessing a lot of your fears stem from what psychologists like to call ‘negative self-talk’ – and I reckon if your brain’s doing a loop-de-loop with lines like, ‘I’m going to say something lame / I’m sure he thinks I’m an idiot blushing like this / why would he be interested in me anyway’ etc etc, you’re going to trigger more of the same anxiety. So, the first step is to ignore that voice in your head trying to sabotage you – and start asking the hunk in question some, well, questions. It’s a great low-pressure way to get the ball rolling, because all you have to do is sit there, look flirty and listen to him talk about himself. With any luck he’ll go on forever and you’ll have to cram a bar snack or ten into his mouth so you can get a word in. The other thing to do is PRACTICE. On everyone. Flirt with your barista. Ask your neighbour how his/her weekend was. Grit your teeth and do the rounds at parties. Essentially, fake it til you can carry on a conversation with just about anyone regardless of where they sit on the hot-o-meter. Relaxation or visualisation techniques also rock – I know it sounds all hippy-dippy, but really, visualising yourself as the social butterfly who always knows what to say could help you manifest into just that. At the very least, it’ll mean you get some small talk in before the hot sex, right?
Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. reality chick 11 years ago

    You know, I was thinking about you the other day – I read a study of uni students which focussed on the whole culture of 'hooking up' and there was a wacky stat in there about how 12 percent of women interviewed said it was easier to perform sexual acts than to talk to a guy. Spooky huh?
    Anyhow, glad the advice is doing the trick, even a bit. Don't be a stranger now! 🙂

  2. Anonymous 11 years ago

    Thanks for your answer! I started putting your advice to practice and it seems sensible… Lol no it's not hot sex by the dozen (although I'm not exactly denying anything), but can you believe I've found it easier to attack than try to stay composed? Not to mention this helps make nervousness melt away.

  3. Ted 11 years ago

    Some guys like shy girls silentmew… remember that. Too much overconfidence can be off-putting! Ted 🙂

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