I wrote in with my question to RC in May. I took your advice and stopped the contact with my ex. I was being selfish. The ex-boss was more tricky and I leant he was a manipulative control freak with some very big issues of his own. So I guess I had a close escape. Since the break up with ex-boss I’ve been living alone again and trying to learn from this mess I made!
So where am I now 8 months on? Well it hasn’t been easy, but have good girlfriends and family and realised to be thankful for that. I joined a gym and do various classes and just focused on me. I did meet another guy, divorced dad of two teenagers but fear he is damaged as his wife ran off with a much younger man. He obviously has trust issues which I totally understand. Naturally his children come first, then his love of bikes and I some how get scheduled in free slots. I’ve been seeing him for two months and we’ve had some great dates, but can’t see this progressing.
I feel like I’ve seen the other side of the fence now. Ex-boss was something like out of a Mills and Boon novel; current guy great dad as far as I can see and plus very attractive. Yet although we seem compatible in almost all depts I get the impression he is not ready for a relationship and I don’t want the scraps of his time. That may sound bad, but it’s hard being so far down the food chain. Below the bike no less!
I know you are not supposed to have regrets, but I do. I regret leaving my boyfriend and constantly remind myself of the reasons why and your good advice. But if I had to write a check list the box that was my big issue was sex and being made to be felt wanted. Those just weren’t ticked, but I realise now (far too late) that I let a good man down and let him go.
So 8 months on I’ve learnt, yes I can live alone and not fall apart. Life does go on, but I need to speak up and find my voice and if I had and been brave maybe I would never been in this position. The grass is definitely not greener. You live and learn and sadly you just have to be careful not to repeat those mistakes! Sallie
Thanks for writing back, Sallie – I love getting updates from our letter-writers! If there’s any silver lining to what you’ve gone through I guess it’s that you know very keenly what you now want, don’t want and what you’d never do again which can only be great things for next time you’re starting a new relationship. Here’s to meeting a guy who does tick all your boxes (and puts you before the bike, hey?!)
Love, reality chick