We’re back together, but my husband won’t ditch his girlfriend

We’re back together, but my husband won’t ditch his girlfriend

husband won't ditch his girlfriend3My husband and I have been together for 20 yrs (married for eight). We recently went through a six-month separation and I moved back into the family home about three months ago. But, while we were separated, my husband met someone else.

He hasn’t told the girlfriend we are back together (and have been for the past three months). They still text each other and she has been calling late at night quite a bit of late. I confronted him and he said he just can’t break up with her over the phone, as he wants to do it in person. I have approached him calmly about this a few times but he still hasn’t let her know he is with me. I know he loves me but actions speak louder than words. This is consuming me, and I am getting fed up. What should I do? Laura

You’re getting FED UP? Like, just now? Laura, if I was in your position my head would be doing Chucky-style revolutions. Right before I tossed all my husband’s stuff out the front door in black bin bags. How dare he? How DARE he carry on texting and taking late-night calls from some chick he was banging while you were on a separation? AFTER you’ve agreed to reconcile and move back in to the family home? It’s possibly the worst case of Having My Cake And Eating It Too that we’ve ever seen. It’s sickeningly disrespectful. And I seriously question whether you want to actually BE with someone who thinks it’s A-OK to toy with your feelings in such a cavalier manner.

If you want to stay with him, that’s your choice. We only have a few lines to go on in regards to your question and I know there’s probably a great deal more to the story than you’ve given us. But at the end of the day, it’s time for a big, fat ultimatum. Something along the lines of, ‘Honey, I’d like you to tell your bit on the side TODAY that we’re back together, and that it’s OVER between the two of you because you are committed to WORKING ON OUR MARRIAGE. If you don’t, you leave me with no option but to assume you aren’t as committed to rebuilding things with me, and that we need to reassess this whole reconciliation’. If he doesn’t man up and realise he’s pushed his luck far enough with you, get thee to a counsellor. And possibly a divorce lawyer. Because Laura, you deserve better than the crumbs he’s tossing you.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Wackyjack 9 years ago

    Oh my goodness, Laura this situation needs serious action, fast!! How can you know he’s not seeing her still? He’s got to man up and ditch her, if he’s serious about doing so like yesterday!!

    Give him a week. If he hasn’t done so by then, pack your bags (better yet, kick him out), get some counseling to help you grieve, pick up the pieces and realise you deserve better.

  2. bron 9 years ago


    You haven’t reconciled.

    He’s just got his live-in maid back. With benefits.

    Change the locks, put his stuff outside and let him move in with his girlfriend.

    This isn’t a marriage. This isn’t anything remotely resembling a marriage. This isn’t even something remotely resembling a relationship. This is a man who wants the convenience of someone to look after him and clean up after him whilst doing his shopping elsewhere.

    Time for that divorce lawyer.

  3. Lola 9 years ago

    Good reply, RC!
    Laura, when a man sticks to old flames and the like, you have to review your relationship with him seriously. More than likely, you’ve got to review and reconsider your relationship with yourself. How does Laura get on with Laura? It may be hard to be on your own, but don’t be surprised if your hubby sticks to his lame excuses forever. He doesn’t want to ditch his flame on the phone… What a load of bull!
    Stay with him, and you’ll see your self-esteem dwindle by the hour. Give him the Ultimate Ultimatum, and at least you’ll begin to reconquer yourself. Life is too good to waste in a situation like the one you’re in. I’m sending you tons of good vibes.

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