My husband and I have been together for 20 yrs (married for eight). We recently went through a six-month separation and I moved back into the family home about three months ago. But, while we were separated, my husband met someone else.
He hasn’t told the girlfriend we are back together (and have been for the past three months). They still text each other and she has been calling late at night quite a bit of late. I confronted him and he said he just can’t break up with her over the phone, as he wants to do it in person. I have approached him calmly about this a few times but he still hasn’t let her know he is with me. I know he loves me but actions speak louder than words. This is consuming me, and I am getting fed up. What should I do? Laura
You’re getting FED UP? Like, just now? Laura, if I was in your position my head would be doing Chucky-style revolutions. Right before I tossed all my husband’s stuff out the front door in black bin bags. How dare he? How DARE he carry on texting and taking late-night calls from some chick he was banging while you were on a separation? AFTER you’ve agreed to reconcile and move back in to the family home? It’s possibly the worst case of Having My Cake And Eating It Too that we’ve ever seen. It’s sickeningly disrespectful. And I seriously question whether you want to actually BE with someone who thinks it’s A-OK to toy with your feelings in such a cavalier manner.
If you want to stay with him, that’s your choice. We only have a few lines to go on in regards to your question and I know there’s probably a great deal more to the story than you’ve given us. But at the end of the day, it’s time for a big, fat ultimatum. Something along the lines of, ‘Honey, I’d like you to tell your bit on the side TODAY that we’re back together, and that it’s OVER between the two of you because you are committed to WORKING ON OUR MARRIAGE. If you don’t, you leave me with no option but to assume you aren’t as committed to rebuilding things with me, and that we need to reassess this whole reconciliation’. If he doesn’t man up and realise he’s pushed his luck far enough with you, get thee to a counsellor. And possibly a divorce lawyer. Because Laura, you deserve better than the crumbs he’s tossing you.
Love, reality chick