I‘m 33 and have a 13-year-old daughter. I’ve been involved with a 29-year-old guy for a little while – and I recently found out that I’m 12 weeks’ pregnant with his baby.
I’m emotionally and mentally drained deciding whether to keep this baby or not. He wants us to keep it because it’ll be his first time becoming a dad. Of course, it’s not my first time as a parent; I love my daughter with all that I am and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me – but I’ve had to raise her completely on my own and I know how hard it is. I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. Plus, there’s no guarantee that this guy will stick around, even though he says he will. What’s your advice? I don’t know what to do. Chants
Hmmm, definitely not a coin-flip scenario is it? If I was in your situation, I’d make my decision based on two things. Firstly, your gut feeling about what YOU want to do (ie, be a mum again / dive into a serious relationship with someone you haven’t known long, with a teenager to consider too). And secondly, the discussions you’ve had and should be having right now with your guy.
For example, what evidence do you have that he’s serious about being a dad and building a relationship with you? How much does he know about babies? How much time has he spent with babies and how comfortable is he around them, and little kids in general? How does he treat your daughter? How much does he want to be involved in the whole baby raising caper – changing nappies, bathing, soothing, getting up in the night, supporting you through possible birth compilations or potential PND? How hard does he think it’s going to be? What are his plans for financially supporting the family – you, your daughter, the new baby – and is he in a position to do so? How long for? Where will you live? What are his family and friends like? Would they be a good support network if needed? Do you have access to your own support network? Would he be willing to talk through your options with a counsellor?
These are all questions you should be asking, and fast, given how far along you are. I know they won’t be easy conversations, and you’ll want to really take notice of his answers. If he’s like, ‘Oh, it’ll be FINE!’ or ‘We’ll just figure that out as we go along!’ and doesn’t seem keen to discuss the practicalities in depth, that’s not great. You know the implications of bringing a baby into the world, but if you’re going ahead you want to know 100 percent that he’s on board with his eyes wide open.
Let me know how it all works out, and good luck.
Love, reality chick